Chapter 31
Obsessions of an Emotionally Unstable Drama Queen

I can’t let it go; I just have to write because it bugs me so much. I tried to sneak it into the last chapter about the Antagonizer but that would throw off the whole balance of the world! The 200th paragraph would not be the 200th paragraph if I inserted this vent where it did not originally belong. Okay, now that I have all of that establish and I feel much better about continuing my rant here it goes.
So as I have said before I had a presentation this morning for which I woke up at 6:40 in the morning! So today Antagonizer asked me where I was earlier this morning. I told her about the presentation and for some reason the time I woke up too (not quite sure unless she asked). Then she was like, “Oh yeah you had a 7 o’clock final today huh?” and I was like, “yeah” but I told her that we bumped it back an hour but my group still wanted to meet at 7:30 and she says, “Oh I would have thought you would have slept in until 7.” This comment from anyone else’s mouth wouldn’t have pissed me off, in fact, if this comment had been followed by a smile it wouldn’t have bothered me as much. But I wish somehow I could record for you the tone of voice she takes with me. It’s the kind of tone that you wish you could permanently remove from people’s vocal chords, creating an inability to be a nasty little bitch. Unfortunately we don’t have this capability…yet. So for the next couple of days I just have to deal with it I guess, of course her body is lying chopped up on the bathroom floor, I swear I didn’t do it. I don’t get it. Half the time it’s like she really wants to be my friend, and then the other half is as though the realization has hit that she is not my friend nor could she ever be.
If only she could realize that this isn’t my fault. You know that cliché, “It’s not you it’s me” thing people joke about when they break up. Well they joke about when they break up but people joke about it as a form of breaking up. I feel like just telling her, “it’s not me, it really is you.” I feel a bit liberated today, but I don’t think I feel that liberated.
Another thing, you know the aqua phobic? She had kitchen for white glove (massive cleaning of the apartment at the end of the year) and she cleaned the whole kitchen…except for the dishes!! It only further confirmed my belief that she doesn’t like to do dishes. However, I’m not in a bad mood towards her, I just thought I should interject here that she has never cleaned the dishes. In fact I am doing pretty well with her. I made some treats for my last final today and I even offered her one. Then I hid the bag so that I didn’t have to share with the Antagonizer…interesting how she has fallen to the bottom of my list, but I suppose with the personal attacks that she sometimes takes and the fact that she feels she deserves to be higher in my friend ranking (currently she is just a roommate, and in a week she will be a former roommate) I should have seen this coming. See the thing about me; if I like you, I share most of what I’ve got with you. Sweet Pea can testify to this, she’s been eating my cereal and using my milk this week, anyone else and it would be bugged, but not with her. Though I do think I should have bought the gallon of milk (as opposed to the half gallon that I am almost done with), I could have finished it in time for the end of the semester. I love milk. Oh, um, so back to the deal with me. So if I openly offer you some sweeties that I have made you are currently on my good side. If you have to ask, you shouldn’t ask. It’s like if I go somewhere and I don’t invite you, don’t ask me if you can come. If I wanted you to come I would invite you. Same here, if I wanted you to eat some of the treats I made I would invite you to do so. Of course if we have just met and I have offered you some food I made then you’d better stay on your toes. It’s is not a guarantee that you are forever on my good list, for goodness sakes I just met you, how could I know if I want to have a friendship with you!? I’m not ready for that kind of commitment. Besides, you have a trial by fire process that I put you through, sometimes lasting up to two years. Sweet Pea has passed, Crunchy has passed, and even Oreo has passed. Oreo was the fastest I think (less than four months), though Sweet Pea passed without me realizing it so I can’t pin point when she passed. And while Crunchy has never been on my bad side, it took me a while to trust him as much as I do. Though with all of these people I don’t think I would ever do the trust exercise where you face your back to them and start to fall in the hope that they’ll catch you, but that’s nothing personal. I wouldn’t even trust my mother enough to do that. In fact I don’t think it is an issue of trust, but fear. And I sure do fear falling backwards.