Chapter 39
Statutory

I am one of those people stuck in high school…but not in the typical way. I don’t sit in my parent’s basement drinking soda surrounded by the paraphernalia of my youth and talking about so-and-so and a history class that ended 5 years ago, or that one basketball game because it really did impact someone’s future. No, I am one of those who doesn’t seem to realize that she isn’t 17 years old. I have tried to tell myself time and time again that I am 23 years old, but for some reason it won’t stick. So it bothers me a little that I am working at my high school job, with high-schoolers no less and they ask me all these questions like I’m a freak of nature. I am trying to remember what it was like for me in high school when the college students came home but for the life of me I can’t remember. I don’t think I asked them all these damn questions! There are very few of the high school kids at work who were there at Christmas so I am getting questions from new ones such as, “are you new here?” or “are you home from college?”, and “how long have you worked here?” It turns out that answering ‘for forever’ to that last question doesn’t fly with these kids. Then there are the ones who are more bold or maybe it started because they were just trying to make conversation, but they ask what high school I went to, like it matters. One kid asked me what Prom was like at my school and I told him that I went to his school’s prom (it was true) and he was like, “Oh does your boyfriend go there, I mean, did he go there?” and I said, “no”. But then I felt the need to explain that I just went with this guy from that school, he just asked and I went. I mean I feel honored that he assumed I had a boyfriend in high school. Then he ask me where I knew the guy, I said from work, then he asked me for his name, I told him the guys first name but didn’t bother trying to say his last name and then told the kid that he didn’t work here anymore. I get uneasy with certain questions for some reason so I was happy when we had to part ways at that moment, or maybe I just walked off, I can’t remember. Then I got the audacious question of how long I had been working there, and they made me answer. I say ‘for forever’ and the two boys asking just continued to stare at me as though no time had past and they are still waiting for my answer, so I asked them if they really wanted to know what year and they said ‘yes’… little twats. So I leaned in and said quickly ‘1999’ (it’s the year 2006 and these boys were probably in elementary school when I started working). One of them thought I said 1990 and was freaking out because that is a long time…unfortunately the other guy heard correctly and still had the same reaction. This time I know that I walked off.
But tonight I got some fears aside, I had to work with the younger crowd Saturday and for a small minute yesterday and was nervous that I would never get comfortable with them, I mean I am trying to convince myself of the age difference and so I feel like I’m some old girl that they wouldn’t really want to talk with.
I really felt like it was going to be that way tonight except for maybe two or three people that I worked with last summer so we were already cool. It turns out though that when you get comfortable with people you usually get threats and somehow a broom ends up hitting you. I don’t know how it happened or when it happened really (probably when they caught wind of my list of demands I was going to hand into the managers, I’ll explain later) but suddenly they were joking with me, these younger of the species, and the best part is, they seem to have my sense of humor. I was talking to one of the kids I knew from last summer and this new guy comes up and looks me in the eye and says, “Are you ready for your uniform inspection?” I kind of gave him a look and was thinking fast for a response, but instead ended up feeling like he was about to tell me my fly was down. So I did a uniform check quickly, checking my belt, my shirt buttons, my collar, and lastly my pant zipper. He started to laugh and said he was just joking and I told him he had to watch his back. Some dark night when he thinks he’s all alone walking to his car in the back of the parking lot. It got better though with this kid, whose name I sadly can’t remember at the time (there’s so many new ones!). Later he was telling some other bagger that he needed to watch out for me because I was trouble and I looked up and asked if he was talking about me and he just smiled so I knew I was right. I asked him if he wanted to fight and he said he would make it easy and tie one of his arms behind his back and I told him I would make it easier for him by promising to only kick him. I was pretty proud of myself for my ‘on my toes’ response. Then that same kid got me later from behind with a broom. I was sitting there minding my own business and I got a broom to the back of the knee, I turned to see him scurrying off with the broom in hand and I reach down to find dirt all over my pants. I wiped it off, waited until he came closer and kicked him in the back of the knees…hey, no hands, I kept my promise.
There was another kid that I met at Christmas, he is a cutie pie and if I were about 7 years younger I would be all about that, but I’m not so let me stop the illegal digression. Anyway, so I was helping out my manager and he told the assistant manager that I do it all (because he went to get a kid to do this job and I had already done it) and I said, “there you have it, if he says I can do it all then I can” (he’s the store manager, as opposed to lesser department and area managers). So I was walking with this kid to a register and we were talking about it and I told him that I could work in every department except meat, and he asked why meat? I told him because with my luck I would probably cut off my hand. So he starts joking around with me talking about if I accidentally cut off my finger! At one point I think the words “Where did all this blood come from?” left his lips and I am left thinking to myself, “This kid’s got potential!”
What I love the most is how quickly they have all accepted me, makes me feel...cool.
Oh so before I sign off, I need to tell you about my list of demands. Earlier today one of the older ladies (I’ll call her Maps) that I have known since I started working there (seven years of a century ago) was complaining about how when she asked a certain manager for money he will come and check her drawer and then tell her what she really needs instead of what she asked for. So I came up close to her and lowered my voice and said, “You know what we need? We need to make a list of demands and bring it to the manager.” She liked the idea, not as a serious venture but it helped time to go by. So our list of demands included having water at the register, getting the money we request when we request it (money on demand as I like to call it), she wanted candy that we could eat at the registers, we want cushioned chairs in the break room, a T.V. in the break room, and mute baggers. Then some kid piped in that he wanted to be able to chew gum and I told him he was fired. He was the second person I fired today, I suppose I’m on a power trip, but you know, none of them are really fired so no one really gets upset, they know I have no clout. All in all I like work more and more, I mean, I even stayed an extra half hour tonight just to hang out with these people. In the world of a 17 year old at heart, that is saying a lot.