Intermission: Promotions

Boys are not a big enough concern to me that they get their own chapters, so they simply get labeled ‘intermissions’ and barely get a page at a time. I believe that I failed to define what an “imaginary boyfriend” is exactly. Well, it’s a guy friend who acts, either out of self-preservation or a mental disease, as though he is your boyfriend, and with that comes the ‘imaginary girlfriend’ which is what you become in this situation. You may have been there but just couldn’t put your finger on what was different about this friendship from the other friendships you have with members of the opposite sex. My friend and I decided that it is a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship without the pleasure of action. It’s simply the emotional attachment, and that’s not very fun. If you do the work to maintain the emotional attachment then you should reap the benefits and get some of the physical. Most boys would prefer the opposite, getting the physical while leaving the emotional out of it. That’s what creates the chasm between pretend boyfriends and all the rest. And just to clear it up, normal guy friends who are not man-whores looking for action but just remain neutral friends, lack the amount of emotional attachment and dependency that pretend boyfriends do. I digress, the point of this intermission is promotions, and while a background on pretend boyfriends is necessary there is a time to stop defining and get into the muck of the conversation.
Promotion: Advancement in rank
Pretend: Make believe, feign, proclaim falsely
Pretend Boyfriend (Divergence from dictionary, meaning I will now give the definition for this situation): One who talks and acts as though a boyfriend but with no intent to actualize the relationship.
Pretend Husband (Same definitive conditions as pretend boyfriend): One who talks of marriage without real intent to take the relationship to that level.
Now my friend and I both have, well I should use the word had Pretend Boyfriends. At Christmas time hers truly upped the ante by going to visit her at her home over the break, truly placing himself into the role of Pretend Husband, but previously he had talked about their relationship as existing in the future in the context of marriage. (Research is still unsure if his intentions have any validity behind it.) My Pretend Boyfriend has in the past week attempted to be promoted up to the rank of Pretend Husband. I was a staunch advocate that no promotion would occur, but somehow he has deceived me and begun the Pretend Husband jargon much to my dismay. Along with this he has also taken on the, “I want to be your hero” persona. He wants to save me, from a fate worse than death, from myself, from my roommates, from anything that ails me and he has opened up the way to fix that, mostly by buying me French fries and giving me unwanted advice.
I have to wonder though, if boys ever think about how they treat certain female friends differently than the rest, do they realize that we are giving them titles for all the different behaviors they have; Defining them for the world to know?
So I lied, maybe once in a while an intermission will last a page, and now I can’t even be certain if it will ever go over a page. So no more page restrictions, no more confident proclamations that this will only take a minute to read, no more talk of French fries.