Chapter 67
Time Bomb

So I was really tired after my three hours of sleep. That’s right, three, because the people didn’t leave until 3am and they were loud right until the end. Then my alarm clock went off at 6:20. I looked like crap, because to be honest after I finished writing down all my angry feelings I started to cry. I cried because I’m such a rotten person and I just felt so vile towards my roommates. I cried because I’m done with being here. But I also know that leaving here wouldn’t make things better because everywhere is the same. People all over the world are in similar situations as I am. Life drags on for everyone, but most people have enough distractions to keep them content. I’m a little low in the distractions category. I have a mentally draining day job and a physically draining evening job and my roommates wear me out emotionally, and frankly there aren’t enough Sundays to make up for it. When did life become so permanently dreary? I have to learn to be happy, and I don’t know if I can do that. How do people do it? How come I can’t? I cried to God telling Him that I can’t do it. I’m not strong enough to do this. Then I kept asking him why I’m here, what am I suppose to be doing? Where am I supposed to be? When it comes down to it I kind of feel abandoned.
I sat in a car today for about half an hour just crying. Burrito was the one to shove me over the edge when he threw a tantrum at the store. Sometimes he frustrates me so much. My mom keeps trying to get me to move closer to home, well, to move home but I told her I couldn’t live there with Burrito and Spam. I can’t tolerate those two very well, and my emotional break down today in the car just proved that to my mom. Of course, it could also have to do with the fact that I was going on three hours of sleep and two sausage biscuits. So then she tried to get me to think about moving into a studio apartment attached to the house of a lady who goes to church with us. I don’t need my own place because then I will truly become anti-social and there will be no one to keep me in check of whether or not I am doing that. Besides, you have to just learn to live with certain people right? If you don’t then you are the one who becomes a very difficult person to live with.
Things got better anyway. I went back to my parent’s house and watched a Johnny Depp movie, what more does a girl need to feel better? I was isolated in my parent’s room and my cousins were not allowed to come in. Then I ate something, granted it was only some cheez-its. I finally called up my sister and we came to my house for a party, and before hand I decided that I would spend the night at my parents since I needed to be up earlier then my roommates would for church the next morning. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go because part of me was still mad at them for keeping me up the night before. But as soon as I got there they were apologizing to me about it. In fact during the party a couple of the guys who had been over came up to me and apologized because they didn’t realize I had been sleeping or how loud they had been. They probably saw how badly I looked because my eyes were probably puffy and I had dark circles under my eyes.
Anyway, my sister and I ended up having a really great time at the party! We didn’t really talk to too many people, but we don’t really need people to entertain us, well, we need them because we talk about them not to them. It’s not as mean as it sounds. My sister picked out three guys that she thought were pretty good looking and we just talked about how much they wanted her. It’s raises her self esteem and makes for a lot of laughs for the two of us.
When we were getting ready to leave we came into my room so I could grab my book bag with my overnight materials in it. Then some girls came in to talk to us so we sat down and talked for a while. Then this girl I didn’t know came in and sat down next to me on my bed, want to talk about awkward…we just did. But wait, there’s a bit more awkwardness here, some guy came into my room, one I don’t know, and came to attack the girl sitting next to me. He came uncomfortably close to my bed and I told him I wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be that close to my bed. Then he went in for the kill and was trying to get something from the girl but in the process was on my bed! I told him I was pretty sure he wasn’t suppose to do that and that maybe he should remove himself from my room. It was all jokingly…but not really. I don’t let strange guys attack girls I don’t know right there on my bed. Goodness I do have some morals! Then I was going to grab something out of my bathroom and I went to open the door quickly and I hit someone trying to get into my bathroom and I just quickly closed my door again while yelling out “sorry, sorry, sorry.” When we heard the toilet flush my friend went to check out who it was. Turns out it was the Researcher, my new friend who helped me to experiment on the party guest last time we had a get together. He told me that his foot caught the door, but he was probably just saving face because he just got his butt kicked by a girl.
Then the girls left and I was getting ready to leave so I was closing my “back door” (I have two doors to access my room) and my friend, who I call Master Jedi as part of his nickname, so that’s what I’ll call him here was walking though. He said that he saw the door open so was going to come check it out. Then he, like most other people that I know, said that he didn’t know I lived here too. I introduced him to my sister and then we ended up talking for a bit. I used to have a crush on this guy, and well, I still do. He’s one of those funny, sweet guys who is cute, but not drop dead gorgeous, and even though he doesn’t have dark brown hair I still like him. In the middle of conversation though he wondered if I fit on my bed, he said that it looked shorter than me…and yes, I do fit, but my feet usually stick out over the edge anyway, even though I have a fear of things grabbing my feet in the middle of the night.