Chapter 56
Why have I already used Statutory as a Chapter Heading?

So I received an e-mail today from one of the kids at work. It was hard to understand the first time through but the main message came across loud and clear and as I read it my stomach dropped. It’s that weird stomach dropping feeling, like the one you get when you, well…it’s almost like the one you would get if you had written the e-mail and you were waiting for a response. If that makes sense. The main point was that this kid likes me. I finally read through it a couple of more times and made sense of the beginning of the e-mail and unfortunately the message didn’t change course. I don’t know what to do? I quickly wrote to Sweet Pea explaining the situation, I have a delicate ego in my hands and I don’t know how to break it to him that I’m not interested. And is it weird that as I read the e-mail where he says that he likes me I ask aloud, “why?” It’s not low self-esteem right?
But this just figures, a guy finally likes me and he is telling me about it, and he’s short and 17 years old. Also there is the fact that I have this information now. I have more responsibility now towards this certain individual. I would feel funny if I flirted with anyone while he is around because I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings. Also, I have to be careful because I don’t want to look like I am flirting with him and give him the wrong impression. My big goal is to be able to treat him like I always have, but apparently, by doing so, I have screwed up something, I’ve given him the impression that it is ok to like me, and it’s not. I guess he is my struggle for the summer, I get one every year. Two summers ago it was a married man who was way to forward with me, leaving me unable to trust many married guys and acting differently towards my married guy friends back at school because I felt like maybe I had been doing something wrong to attract this guy at work. If I had done something wrong there then I must be doing something wrong with the married guy friends I was close to at school. Thus ended the reign of true communication with married men. I even have my own little way of giving the female companion a way of knowing that I respect her territory, basically, I ignore the guy when she is present and focus on her and how she is doing, barely giving the guy a glance or a hello…but that’s just with strangers. I don’t really go around the ones I know, I feel like I tramp just for breathing the same air.
Yes, I have problems, I know this.
Last summer…what was last summer’s problem? Oh yes, a manager at work, also married. This work environment didn’t give me the opportunity for awkward moments, thank goodness. He wasn’t as bad as the first experience but sometimes I was left feeling a little uncomfortable around him. Now I have a teenager. I guess next summer will be some 60 year old man and then I can finally find someone my own age, unmarried, the summer after that. I will have spanned the spectrum and the universe will be balanced and ready to let me get what I want instead of thrusting all the wrong things in my face.