Chapter 15
The Meaner Side of Me

I am not a very nice person, or a patient one, or a humble one. I can admit these flaws and I feel I am forced to everyday of my existence because everyday I get mad at someone, impatient with them, or can’t stand if they try to prove me wrong. The other day I was making cookies, Easter eggs because Easter is coming up and despite my meanness I love being festive. I had to go buy some cookie cutters because I didn’t already have an egg shaped one. Little did I know that Easter eggs are apparently not what people want their cookies to be shaped like. There are the spring flowers, the bunnies, the chicks, and most abhorrently we find the wrapped Easter basket. Why anyone would actually want to make a cookie in the shape of a wrapped Easter basket and then attempt to decorate such a cookie is beyond me, and apparently also beyond many of the patron shoppers of this grocery store because there were so many left. In a little pack I found four tiny cookie cutters for well over the price of the bigger, plastic, horribly shaped cutters. But it had an egg shape so I bought the pack and went home to make my happy little stash of cookies. My roommate had come with me to buy these cookie cutters but was gone while I baked the cookies. When she came home she looked at all of the egg shapes and said, “Oh, you decided to just do the eggs, or combined them?” I had no idea what she meant about this combination of something or other and dismissed it as I usually do with many of her comments to me. I told her that I just wanted to do the eggs because they are easier to frost and the others would have been too difficult. She, without looking up at me, just at the egg shaped, already frosted cookies says, “No.” That’s it, just one little blimp in the radar, ‘no’, as if to say I hadn’t already tried, which I did attempt to cut the cookie out of the dough but the other shapes fell apart so I figured if I ever did get one to bake it would be difficult to frost it, and I didn’t want to frost the stupid tulip cookie, this is essentially what I meant by difficult. To this I became annoyed, “yeah, they would have been.” And she, still quiet just says, “No” again. I was outraged, “what the hell do you know?” I was tempted to ask her, but instead I simply told her, “Don’t tell me ‘no’ because it has to do with what I think is too much trouble.” And so then she gets this smart-ass smile on her face and says, “No.” I walked out of the room because I was afraid if I continued to stay in there then I would have taken just a few short steps and shoved her to the ground where I would have kicked her over and over again until she admitted that she didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. Then if she said that it hurt I would have said, “No”. It pisses me off, always has. My sisters would hit me when I was younger and if I yelled out “Ow” they would say, “Oh that didn’t hurt” to which I always replied, “You don’t know because you weren’t the one being hit”. I hate how people try to tell you what you think; it makes me mad to no end.
This particular roommate and I have our “getting along” moments, and the, “I want to claw out your eyes and piss into your dead skull” moments. We’ve had many of both this week. Earlier this week, or maybe it was the same day, we were both in the kitchen. A simple thing happened but the events that followed were not so simple, in fact they were very complex and I think if I were a few years older I would have suffered a heart attack and died. I was walking to the trash can to throw something out, when she backed up and unknowingly ran into me. She accused me of running into her and I accused her of running into me. My argument was that I had already been in motion in my course of action, while she had made her decision just nano-seconds before the collision. She kept trying to say that she did not run into me because she couldn’t see me. I tried to explain it with a simple analogy, which I have decided since this incident are ineffective with her. I told her that regardless of the fact as to whether or not she could see me she still ran into me. It is like when you are driving a car, let’s say you are backing out of a spot, you didn’t see a car, but then suddenly you realize you have just hit one by backing up into it. Her argument back is that she doesn’t have a way to see behind her. I told her my analogy still worked because despite the fact that a car has the rearview and side view mirrors the driver did not see the car that they hit, but it doesn’t mean that they didn’t hit the car. She held on tight to her weak argument that because she couldn’t see me she didn’t run into me, which is lame because all laws of physics point to the fact that she ran into me, despite that she couldn’t see me. I didn’t understand why this was so hard for her to grasp, and maybe a bit is my fault, but if it is I am having the hardest time seeing where I was unclear. I was getting frustrated with her simple-mindedness and she was getting frustrated that she wasn’t getting her way and she walked out of the apartment, bowl of cereal in hand and left the situation. Which I was grateful for because I know myself, I know I wouldn’t have stopped until one of three options occurred; she gave in, she left, or I dropped dead right then and there.
Sometimes it’s nice to know that I have more reasons than just the dishes to not like my roommates…sometimes it’s not.