Chapter 14
Stratagem

I promised myself I would no longer write about the dish wars that rage within my apartment, but considering the fact that they play such an immense role in my daily life and interactions I figure one more chapter wouldn’t hurt. Plus the school year is almost over so there are only so many more times that I can mention the bane of my existence. Since Sweet Pea moved out of the apartment I can freely talk about my roommates without worrying that she may think that she is part of this revolting group of my peers. But I digress as usual.
Back to the dish wars. I have limited myself to cleaning only on Tuesdays, although last Saturday I did give in and cleaned. Today, as you may have guessed, is Tuesday. I think maybe I’ll throw in a little history of what’s taken place since Saturday’s deep clean. Well, actually since before the clean there was a plate and bowl that were being left for the perpetrator who ate the Raman noodles and didn’t bother to get the bowl close to clean. In fact they didn’t even bother to get the bowl and plate to the sink, they simply left it on the table as though a freaking waitress was going to come by and pick it up and take it back to the kitchen, where another paid employee was going to wash the damn dish. Another roommate was kind enough to at least put the dishes on the counter, but there they were left, for, I am estimating a week now. The other roommates complain to me about this one roommate as though they have no idea that they do the same thing. A freaking pot is the same as a dish, so they probably shouldn’t be leaving their pots and pans on the stove with rice, grease, and other shit. (Pardon my turrets). I get a slight laugh, though not really, over the fact that as they complain to me about this one little dish, which each of them have left plenty in a similar situation I can easily view their pots and pans on the stove. So today, I washed the Raman noodle bowl and its fork that both had to soak while I cleaned all the other dishes. If anyone gives me gruff, I’ll punch them in their faces, or maybe shove their faces into a rice pot, or a grease pan, rub them around in there real well so that it sticks to their faces. Then I’ll tell them to shut the hell up, because they really have no place to talk. Then as I continue to rub their faces in their nasty leftover food I’ll continue to explain to them that we don’t have a damn garbage disposal, and I don’t know how they missed it, was it the fact that the sink doesn’t drain very quickly, in fact, it’s believed half the time that it won’t drain at all. I’m not pumping more Drain-O down that sucker, I’d rather shove my roommates’ bodies down there, but that would only clog the drain even more. Maybe to get my point across I’ll make them pull out all that food that gets stuck in the bottom of the sink with their teeth, a job I usually have to do with a fork, and it makes me gag every time. I don’t making freaking eggs, I don’t know why I had to clean three pans that had egg dried to them! Or why I had to pick egg skin graphs out of the sink.
One good thing came from this experience however, and that was the roommate who I believe is highly allergic to water was forced to wash something! She wanted to make eggs (what a surprise) and all of the frying pans were on the counter waiting their turn to be washed but I had taken a break so that I could get ready to run some much needed errands. I got to watch as she surveyed the nasty pans for one that she wanted. She didn’t get down into the cleaning, but she had to clean it herself none-the-less. Which brought me to a conclusion, if I leave the pots and pans there long enough, they will ultimately be forced to clean them themselves, because there will be no other pans. This led me to an even more e-vile thought, “What if I took all the pots and pans away except for one of each?” Then they would be forced to clean them more than once a day. Maybe I could enlist Sweet Pea to help me with this fantastic plan.
I really did deep clean today, I washed all the dishes, pots, and pans, swept and mopped the floor, and then I vacuumed the living room. When I was done with that it was on to my bedroom, which I vacuumed and straightened, and threw out a few things. It’s a good feeling to live in some amount of cleanliness, and I’ve decided that if all else fails, one thing that I can keep clean is my room. And now that Sweet Pea has moved nobody has bothered to enter into as much, they must have picked up on my unfriendly, hostile vibes, or it could be because I never leave the door open and I play my music loud and unfriendly.
That’s all for now, at ease