Chapter 20
Self-Pity is a Terminal Disease

I absolutely hate the Antagonizer and part of me believes that she really does want me to hate her, she sure acts that way. It’s days like this that make me wish I was eating sugar. So I went to a movie tonight with a friend and his girlfriend and Sweet Pea and the Antagonizer. Before we even left the apartment I was already pissed at her. She had a dance competition today, one in which she wanted Oreo, Sweet Pea, and me to go to so she got us free tickets to go. So we said we would, but today when it was time to go it turned out that Oreo had a massive migraine. She even threw-up right before we left. I tried to convince her not to come, and even better that Sweet Pea and I should stay with her. But she’s a trooper that Oreo. She trudged on and we went. The first couple of performances were pretty good. I have to admit that I actually really like dancing. I can’t dance, but I like to watch people who are really good and to be brutally honest, I don’t think the Antagonizer is all that good of a dancer. I know it sounds mean, but I’m not here to be nice and lie. Anyway, she has an “excuse” to why she wasn’t dancing so good today, but that comes later. So anyway, Oreo holds out as long as she can, but the noises are just getting to her and she was getting nauseous again so we got up and we left with her. Sweet Pea drove her home and then we went to run some errands. So then the Antagonizer comes home and she finds out that we left early and she complains a little, not out right, but just subtlety and I wanted to kick her in her throat to stop her voice. She said, “You guys could have come back, or given her your keys so she could drive home or something.” Excuse me? What the hell? I wouldn’t give anyone my keys! People don’t just hand out their cars to other people so they can stay at a crap recital. Besides, Oreo wouldn’t have been able to drive herself home. Little Sweet Pea, she tried, she was like, “Oh I didn’t even think about going back, it just feels like with these things that once you leave you can’t come back.” Now I don’t know if she really was sincere about this, I got the feeling she was just trying to do a little appeasement work, but it wasn’t working either way. Antagonizer just didn’t seem to want to let it go and I don’t know if I just perceived it that way because I hate her, or if she really was being a brat. Then she kept complaining about every little thing and I don’t know if I have ever mentioned this before but I don’t feel sorry for people, some call it a gift, some call it a curse, I don’t care either way. The fact remains that I can’t stand people who feel sorry for themselves and want others to feel sorry for them too. Oh you didn’t feel well because you ate crap for lunch? I don’t give a damn! I didn’t shove that nasty food down your throat, you did! It’s like the other day when we had pizza and she said the pizza made her sick because she hadn’t eaten anything like that in two weeks, hey, here’s a red flag, it says “I don’t care”. The Antagonizer has always been a self-pitomizer (I realize that this isn’t a real word but I think you can guess the definition). So maybe this is the reason I can’t stand her, day in and day out it’s “feel sorry for me” which I can’t do. It’s a non-stop stream of self-pity crap and the longer it continues the more I want to wring her neck. Sometimes I wish that I had never met her because I don’t see what benefit knowing her has had for either of us. I digress, back to the point. So she wasn’t sure if she was going to come to the movie or not, and frankly I was relieved when it seemed that she wasn’t going to come. Honestly, I was thinking of things I was going to complain about to Sweet Pea about Antagonizer once we were in the car and in a safe space. But last minute, we’re ready to go and I turn the corner and there she is, very sloth like getting in my way as usual as though I think it’s fun when she gets in the way of me walking out the door. Of course, anyone watching wouldn’t have even noticed this interaction because they don’t have to witness or live through it every single time we are both trying to go somewhere.
The whole car ride, which isn’t that long, but sure felt like a lifetime tonight, she complained, her knees, she was cold, and she should have grabbed pants. I mean why the hell come if you are just going to be annoying? I don’t care about your problems; I have enough of my own. Go find someone who actually cares, because I’m running on empty in the empathy department and chuck full of I don’t give a damn.
Then before the movie we were standing in the lobby and I mentioned where somebody was, and it happened to be in common with where the Antagonizer is from, and she turns to me and tries some lame ass comeback, because she thinks I meant something when I said where this girl was from. Like I am always looking for a freaking fight. She turns to me and says, “Well you are from Lebanon.” First off, I’m from Virginia, I’ve never been to Lebanon and until I took geography I had no clue where in the hell it was. Apparently my look of “you’re stupid” was not enough for her, so she tried to elicit words from my mouth by continuing in her stupid “insult” if you even want to call it that by saying, “You’re not even Caucasian.” If I weren’t really Caucasian she might seem like a bigot, but I am Caucasian, she tried to use a Sweet Pea joke as an insult so that if I reacted in a certain way then she could be like, “dude, I’m just joking.” But those would probably have been her last words as I would have grabbed her popcorn and shoved it down her throat until blood dyed the yellow kernels red. I wish I had said something along the lines of “what a racist!” just loud enough so others could hear. Or maybe I could have said, “Thank goodness I’m not like you huh?” then thrown in “whitey” so I could play the same game of I’m kidding but underneath my words I really meant a lot of hatred to be taken from that. Then we both seemed to try to pretend like there wasn’t just a thick layer of contempt between us and looked up at the posters of “upcoming” movies. She mentions that she hasn’t even heard of any of the three movies that the first posters advertise. I happen to have heard of all of them and mention it. She then says, “well I don’t watch that much T.V.” and I felt like asking one of two questions, the first being “Are you insinuating that I watch a lot of T.V. because it would be very hard to watch T.V. when your ass seems to be glued to the couch!!” This last part is actually the second question, “what kind of measurement are we talking about where you get off saying you don’t watch much T.V.?” It’s not even a recent thing; it’s a semester long thing. She’s been tuned into the T.V. almost every time I come home. She doesn’t move from the couch, and I have witnesses who can attest to this fact. You leave and she’s on the couch, you come back in a couple of hours and the only thing that has changed in that room is the channel because she is still sitting there. The movie was pretty good, and I tried to completely ignore her while we were watching, I even tried to pull the “I totally just fell asleep” routine to avoid her talking to me. Didn’t work.
So in the car we were talking about how the end of the movie was a bust. I mentioned how I would have liked to have seen how the people in the movie untied themselves because I was wondering how they would have done it. Antagonizer pipes up from the back that they simply had to turn around and untie each other, I don’t even remember my response, but the way that she had said it pissed me off. I’m still seething with anger about the whole night, because I HATE HER! Whatever my response was, it was inadequate and induced another rude sounding comment from the slut faced ho bag sitting in the back seat. Little Sweet Pea again tried to change the subject or make peace. I just tried not to ram the car into a building.
Then Sweet Pea gets away, she gets to leave this horrid situation and go hang out with fun people. I’m not mad at her; I’m simply stating the order of events. So with Sweet Pea gone, no one is around to try to keep the peace. Antagonizer is laying face down in a pool of her own Caucasian blood. No, I don’t even wish that because then I would probably have to go to jail and what a waste. But she kept talking to me. There is this strange illness surging through her veins, that makes her think we have a healthy relationship and that I want to even talk to her. So she’s going on about something and I want to just stop her and say, “why are you still talking?” So she thinks it would be funny to bring up something from the movie, a certain way someone died because it seems to have bothered Sweet Pea the way that person died, but frankly I was expecting it to happen a different, worse way, so I wasn’t bothered; so I tell her flat out, “You know, that didn’t really bother me.” Just to fill you in, the bad guy got a pick through his back and I thought it was going to go through his skull, I know I’m a bit morbid. But honestly, that’s how it played out in my mind when Harrison Ford grabbed the pick, it’s why I covered my eyes because I thought, “gross, what a horrible way to kill someone.” But apparently, I’m the only one who thought that. Put me as one of the writers for that movie and it would have been way more gross. So needless to say, getting a pick in the back just isn’t as sickening, kind of a letdown actually. Finally, I got my bedroom door closed somehow. I think she walked off and I made sure to close it whether or not she was finished with the conversation. One more Saturday and then she is gone. Oh but wait. We are caravanning; I almost forgot that joyous event. The most joyous part is when I don’t have to talk to her most of the time and we barely have to hang out one night in Nebraska, and as soon as we hit Michigan is bon voyage, have a nice life. Did I ever mention this is the brat roommate that got jealous of the closeness that Sweet Pea and I have? She’s jealous because we are cool, our personalities work together and her (Antagonizer) and I will never have that kind of relationship because her personality is so far from mine that we don’t get along in any area of life. There was the coincidence that we knew a lot of the same people, but that doesn’t mean that her and I would get along.
I’m done with this; I totally wash my hands with hydrochloric acid.