Chapter 72
You’re Just a Mental Hiccup

Sometimes when you have a fight with a 7 year old all you want to do is go to your home and relax, or maybe go to your room and cry yourself to sleep because you never thought you could hate a child so much. I’m talking about Spam, big surprise since she is the only 7 year old (aside from the students at school) that I deal with on a regular basis. I can only console myself with the fact that she is not actually a 7 year old, she more of a 7 year old going on 14, a 14 year old with S.P.M.S. She’s always got to have the last word, she’s always got to be right, things always have to be done her way, and for some reason she always has a fight to pick with me. Tonight she proclaimed that I am not the boss of her and she will do exactly the opposite of what I tell her to do. Of course she only directly told me that I wasn’t the boss of her, the part where she will do the opposite of what I say was said to Burrito, loudly. That’s when I called out to my mom and told her I was leaving (an hour before I usually do). I feel bad because my mom has told me how she doesn’t want to begrudge the kids because sometimes she feels like her kids don’t feel comfortable in her house because of Spam and Burrito. Burrito and I are cool Spam and I on the other hand have never really been cool with each other, maybe before she was old enough to talk. I couldn’t stay there though, I couldn’t be in the same house as her because Spam never shuts-up…as her nickname provides. I knew that if I was still in the house then she would constantly be trying to make her opinion heard and I didn’t feel like putting up with that tonight, Sundays are my days to relax and I just don’t get to if she is there. When I said goodbye to my mom I went to say goodbye to my dad and Burrito was calling out goodbye to me. I said goodbye to him and then Spam said it and I ignored her and Burrito kept trying to tell me she was saying goodbye to me. I told him I wasn’t talking to her because she is a spoiled brat. Miss Gotta have the Last Word was still talking when I walked out the door.
So when I get home there are a bunch of people at my house, big surprise there, why would I think that I could actually come home and relax? Man, I’m so stupid. So I came to my room and changed and locked my door and tried to relax. But my roommate came to get me to play a game. I leave my hermit hole to go play this game she’s talking about but it never happens…ever, we never played it. Kind of upset me, but by the end of the night I was over it. I hung out with some people downstairs waiting for the game and this kid who I’ve never even seen before comes into the room and does the Peter Pan stance! His feet are spread shoulder width apart and his hands are on his hip, he’s even got this little purse thing hanging by his hip (like Peter’s knife), so I whisper, “Peter Pan.” And that is how I will always remember him. So later he comes down the stairs and the moment I see him I say, “It’s Peter Pan” my friend was sitting next to me and started laughing, even though she didn’t know why I was calling him that, but I suppose it’s one of those things that can be funny on it’s own. Later, after he left, I was telling her why and this guy sitting next to me was cracking up. I guess maybe that I am a little weird; I do have a lot of theories about things and come on, I just called a complete stranger Peter Pan with a purse.

Chapter 71
Honestly

Yesterday I was stuck on express and I had this one customer that kind of stood out to me. People usually don’t stand out to me because of good things; they are usually annoying or do something that makes them memorable, such as an older couple getting into a fight over medium eggs. So this customer was paying using our debit/credit machine and with this machine you can slide your store card and then your credit card, but if you slide your credit card you can’t slide your store card…have I lost you yet? So the guy slide his card but it didn’t go through and then immediately after he slide his credit card; so I tell him that his store card didn’t go through. Now, the screen is asking him for whether or not this is a debit or credit card and he is trying to slide his store card. I tell him that it won’t read it while that information was there; I guess I should have said because he already slid his card so he presses “credit” and continues to slide his card. I have one of two options here and unfortunately kicking him out of the store is not one of them. I could either tell him I’ll have to just ring his card up or I could reset the machine for him to slide through his store card, but he would have to slide his credit card again. I take option two because it doesn’t involved speaking to the customer and sometimes you get the feeling that certain customers just don’t want to let you slide their card for them…I don’t know what the big deal is, but whatever, I reset the machine. His card finally goes through and then he sits there and I tell him he’ll have to slide his card through, genius thinks that the machine can differentiate between two different cards…I don’t know, maybe I’m being mean to this guy, maybe it really is that hard to understand. Regardless the guy gets all upset and I just think to myself, “Don’t get mad at me because you’re stupid”.
Speaking of not caring about customers, I am applying for placement advancement at work. It turns out that there is actually openings for temporary trainers, we’d work on a when they need us basis. I saw the sign up yesterday and I just had the conversation with my manager the day before so I figured what the hell. I got the proper paper work yesterday and I am taking my resume in today. Jaq thought it was for a permanent position and was telling me I couldn’t work at that location anymore, but I explained that it is temporary, so I would still work there most of the time, just travel around to other stores when they needed me. It’s extra pay and I figure while I’m there I might as well get some positions that look better on my resume. Because I can’t control how long I’ll be there, but no matter how long I am there I could either stay a cashier the whole time, or get more money and a better title, am I stupid to think that this is a good idea?
When I was mentioning memorable customers did I bring up the boy that was wearing one of those toilet seat papers that you find in many public bathrooms? Yeah, so this little boy is shopping with his grandmother and I see him walk by and I have to do a double take because at first it looks like he has a really thin x-ray vest on, and then I realize it’s one of the toilet things. Grandma doesn’t seem to notice or care, and the kid seems pretty happy to be wearing one. So I just smiled at him and he was the talk of the front end for a good five minutes. It’s like the kid whose mother lets him chomp down on candles while they are waiting in line…one word, “weird”.
Yesterday Jaq informs me that he did something without asking me first, so I automatically knew that I was going to be in café sometime next week. He goes into a whole spiel about how people are sick, or on vacation or something over there and I really don’t care. He always has to explain everything to me, it doesn’t really need explanation, if I wanted an explanation about how he is in a bind and he figures that I know how to close café so he put me over there despite the fact that a lot of other people know how to close café then I would ask. Dropping in there that you know that even if I didn’t know how to close café I could figure it out doesn’t really help either. It doesn’t make me feel any smarter, it sure as hell doesn’t make me feel like, “Oh great, Jaq thinks I’m smart enough to figure out how to sweep, mop, empty coffee and trash, and wipe down tables man, I should go back to school to be a rocket scientist because I’m so much more smarter than my coworkers.” Then out of the blue, at least I felt like it was, Jaq says, “You don’t like me very much do you?” I said, “No,” I mean, he wanted me to speak honestly right? Or would he prefer that I flat out lie to him, “What do you mean? Oh course I do, I mean, you always listen when I say that I hate café and you always put me in it. You’re a man whore and the way you shake my hand makes me feel like you are helping me out of a carriage rather than saying ‘hello’ in a business like manner, oh and you always squeeze the fattiest part of my arm Why wouldn’t you be my favorite manager?” Ok, so to lie I would have just said, “Of course I do.” But what is the point of that? If I had felt bad about not liking him I would have stumbled over my words and thought to myself, “Oh crap I’ve been caught” as I try to fix the situation. But I didn’t feel that need, I didn’t miss a beat, and I looked him right in the eye. I suppose the conversation in that situation was taken as my disgust for being scheduled for café, and a closing shift no less. But I knew that it wasn’t simply meaning in this conversation, I really don’t like the guy. I asked him what part he missed when I told him that I hated café, was it the ‘hate’ part that confused him or was it the ‘café’ part he missed? You know, that may have been the comment that brought on him asking me if I didn’t like him, but right now the whole conversation is a blur.
A couple of minutes later though I thought to myself, ‘what would he do if I said no?’ He had told me that I could say ‘no’ but when have I ever? So I went back up to him and asked what he would do if I had said ‘no’ not that I was, but hypothetically speaking. He missed the part where I said that I wasn’t saying ‘no’ I just wanted to know. So he goes off on another spiel and I am left regretting that I ever wondered.
Finally we get it cleared up, by this time we have moved and I am back at my register and there is good distance between me and Jaq when he says, ‘Thanks it’s just one day’ and then he starts to walk away and I say, “yeah no problem,” and then under my breath where a kid standing next to me barely heard I said, “one day every week.” It really has been that way, last week; when the watermelon cake fell on me, I was suppose to be in café. Tomorrow, I am scheduled in café, and now next Wednesday I am working in café. That’s almost a month straight. I’ve worked it numerous times before as well. Now Bakery is trying to get their little claws in me. The bakery manager wanted me to work there next Saturday but fortunately I am going to be out of town visiting my sister and brother-in-law.
Oh and Puppy Love came in yesterday as well. Good news, no hug. Better news, he’s trying to make me jealous with other girls but really I’m just relieved that his attentions are elsewhere. He’s “seems” really attached to these two other girls and I am praying that he isn’t trying to make me jealous but that he really has moved on and that one of them work out for him. I should still fabricate a boyfriend just in case.

Chapter 70
We Need Boyfriends!

So today I was talking to Poof Daddy at work. He was working in a different department today and I was complaining to him about that because no cool people were working late with me (well a few of them were but Puppy Love was working and I really don’t like working with him). So I tell him that Puppy Love has been annoying me because he hugs me too much and Poof Daddy says, “Because he has a crush on you.” I was thrown off a little and said, “Did he tell you that or did you just assume that?” and he says, “He told me,” and then he seemed a little surprised and asked, “has he told you?” I told him that he had but I didn’t think that he would tell anyone, so then Poof Daddy says that pretty much all the courtesy clerks know that Puppy Love likes me! Oh my gosh…I’ve been peed on! The question is how many people know? It ticks me off just a little bit. Why would anyone tell all those people that they like someone after that certain someone has told them that they were not interested? Seriously. I tell Poof Daddy that Puppy Love is down right Stalker-ish. He then says, “yeah that happened to me with this girl over in Southside,” and I interrupted him and, “Gosh, I said I was sorry, just let it go man.” I let Poof finish his story and then tell him that I need to just pretend that I have a boyfriend and then he says that is what the guys who work up front have to do. He said, “Yeah we all have to say that we have boyfriends so that this one girl will leave us alone.” See, I caught on to his mistake and he didn’t so I said, “boyfriends huh?” He corrected himself pretty quickly and I told him that was good because otherwise some guy might start hitting on him because he heard he was gay. He said that would freak him out and I thought about it and said that if a girl hit on me I would be weirded out too. Then he says that my friend always hits on me, she’s always smacking my butt (which she has never done to me) and I told him that she was just doing a “good game” and guys do it to each other all the time, to which he asked if coming to work was a sporting event. Sometimes it is.
So today one of the trainers came into work and aside from being extremely cute he gets to wear a black polo shirt instead of the blue ones we were. So I tell my manager that I want a black shirt. He was really confused for a while until I explained that the trainer guy got to have one. He told me I had to be a trainer to get one of those. So later he comes near my register and it was really slow so I start talking to him and I say, “I probably wouldn’t be good at training,” alluding to the black shirts again. He told me that he actually thought I would be very good at it and I said, “I know!” He started to laugh and said something about my ego…but really, I don’t know if I’d be a good one or not. I just play that I’ve got self-esteem and self-confidence…I mean, it’s a start.
Just so you know, today I got out of hugs with Puppy Love on account of the weather. It was 100+ with the heat index. I actually thought it felt nice, like warming up on a winter day. But after working in it, and standing in it, I would sweat without much work involved. So Pup kept asking if he was going to give him a hug and I told him ‘no’ it’s too hot. One day I’ll tell the truth, but until then maybe the weather will continue to be almost too hot to breathe. It did rain today though, a nice, sunny rain. Someone said that it had cooled off and maybe it had, it was hard to tell because when I stepped outside it felt like stepping into a bathroom that has a hot shower going on inside.
When I got home I heard a loud thumping every couple of seconds in the kitchen, and one of my other roommate laughing hysterically. I went in to find that the one not laughing was throwing a snowball (the sweet, dessert type thing) against the kitchen wall. She said it was good at relieving stress so I grabbed one and threw it against the wall. One of them said that I had the best arm in the house. I knew that all that cashiering would pay off somehow in my life. We threw them until the package broke open (usually one throw) and then I started to wrap them in plastic baggies and we kept on going. Some of them split their top layers from the chocolate cake thingy on the inside; that was pretty cool.
After we were finished with our stress relief the gossip began. There were two of us in the kitchen and two of them started to whisper to each other and I told them I couldn’t hear them that well they would have to move closer, and one of them warned me that it was drama and they didn’t want to pull me in, I told them that I like drama and if they wouldn’t tell me then I would start to tell them my own. They moved in and I said quietly, “The Inner Circle”. Then I felt the need to explain, a need I feel right now as well. The Inner Circle originated with Sweet Pea and me and a third roommate, we all had a common bond, well actually, I didn’t really have that bond, they didn’t like their room-roommates, I was okay with mine, but somehow they still accepted me. We lost the third roommate but picked up the Antagonizer the next year (kind of a mistake but we needed someone to quickly fill the opening) then a new roommate moved in and she became part of it. This past year we had another girl, but the inner circle didn’t have the same effect as it once had. But I still like to say it like I am about to unleash a completely and totally evil plan of world domination and/or destruction. Back to the story, they broke down and told me of their complaints about Motor mouth (The roommate formerly known as Antag jr.). She got a new phone and they warned me that that would be all she talked about for the next three weeks. I simply said that I figured that, they both gave me a quizzical look and I said, “I’ve lived here for two months, I have observed things. So I knew she was like that when I heard the same story for the fifth time.” They both has been drinking when I said that and I almost lost them to drowning. I like these two roommates and I feel better about the fact that the reason they were so secretive around me was that they didn’t want to corrupt me and make me think too badly of motor mouth, but you see, I already had formed a similar opinion of her, so now maybe things will get better. And Diva (On of the roommates, I’ll call the other Jelly Bean) asked if I was moving out, I told her that my mom has just wanted me to, it didn’t mean that I was. Then Jelly Bean came in and started the blender and I said that I was moving out because Jelly Bean was so loud, then I said, “If Jelly Bean is giving you a headache raise your hand.” But Diva was worried I was moving, which means that part of her must want me here, and being wanted makes you want to stay a little bit.

Chapter 69
The Dynamic Dinner

So tonight we had roommate dinner. I was pretty quiet because even though I have lived here for two months I haven’t spent a lot of time with my roommates and I don’t even know if they like me, but as you already know, I don’t always like them. But we had a pretty good time. We couldn’t stop laughing at first. I am getting the hang of the roommate dynamics and am here to report that my intuitions are pretty good. I perceived that the two roommates that live upstairs don’t really get along with the other downstairs roommate. I was right, I mean, they get along with her most of the time, but these two are thick as thieves. They remind me of Sweet Pea and me, or course Sweet Pea and me were a whole lot funnier. Beside the point, so if they are Sweet Pea and me, then that leaves the third roommate to be the Antagonizer, but she’s not one, it’s completely for comparison purposes. We got along with the Antagonizer sometimes but we didn’t always. So at one point during dinner jokes were flying, but these were venomous jokes, sharp darts of dislike camouflaged as a reminiscence of something funny with a thick creamy core of repugnance. And then one roommate pulls a Sweet Pea and does some appeasement work as Antagonizer Jr. said something that stopped the laughs because she forgot the camouflage on her comment.
It was interesting to say the least. But the good news is that I’m not the least favorite, I’m just the one they are still trying to get used to. There was one point in tonight’s conversation when Antag Jr. was talking about boys and she said, “You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t” so I said under my breath, “dam it”. I figure if she’s allowed to use that language as the dinner table then so am I!
All in all we had a pretty good dinner, but then it was over and there is a weird tension here. I think I have spoken of it before, I don’t think the two roommates like the other one. She seems to have been bugging them after dinner last night, so then everyone went their way and I came to my room, in my pajamas by 9pm and writing a chapter. I think I’ll go watch Benny and Joon because I need some more Johnny Depp.

Chapter 68

The Winds of Change

So I was thinking to myself yesterday that I needed a change in my life. I had no idea that change would come to me! I thought I was going to have to work for it, but instead I got it out of the blue this morning at church. That’s when I decided that I don’t like change, at least the kind that I can’t control anyway. Our ward is gone. I don’t mean that they split, or that we redrew the boundaries, which in a way we did redraw the boundaries but in the process Tuckahoe ward was eliminated. As far back as I can remember I have been going to church as a member of the Tuckahoe ward and now it doesn’t even exist. I think that is what made it the hardest today. If we had split and simply been placed in another ward due to boundary lines I could have handled that, at least the ward would be there! Instead the place I have called my home ward all of my life is gone and I am a permanent visitor, a refugee, a deportee of the Glen Allen ward, the next worst part is that my parents and my sister are in a different ward than me. Sometimes I can’t help but feel that life is spinning out of control. I just added it to one more thing on the list. But then I reminded myself that my life isn’t that bad and I should suck it up. I kept asking for strength and I think that is a step in the right direction. I have to stop assuming that I have to do everything on my own and learn when I need to ask for help. Sure I was still touchy after that, but who wouldn’t be when something that has been a part of their life for all of their life is no longer there? I could help but think what part of my life is not looking at some form of change or major decision? Such as my living arrangements, my job situation, and where I go to church. And of course the big question of the three is where am I going to go to for church? My records are in the Gayton Ward, I live in the Glen Allen ward, and the people in my similar condition are all in the singles ward. Singles ward is out until I get gutters on my house. But once those are in place do I join the league of single people or do I just try to live my life as normal as possible (and people, please don’t try to convince me that attending a singles ward is normal because if you believe that then you are completely delusional).

Then there is my mom who is trying to get me to move. She wants me closer to home but after today and finding out that she had knowledge of this event prior to its taking place I understand why she has been trying to get me to move closer to home, she wants me in the ward boundaries. I’m holding out to see where life takes me.

In the end though, it comes down to the fact that things like this happen all the time. Wards split and consolidate constantly, people cry about the change, but then they acclimate. They build new friendships and either slowly forget old ones or keep them going, either way, no one is crying about it while it’s happening. It’s the thought of change that really seems to bother us, but change itself is the only constant we have. I know I’ll be okay; I just have to stop expecting the worst

Chapter 67
Time Bomb

So I was really tired after my three hours of sleep. That’s right, three, because the people didn’t leave until 3am and they were loud right until the end. Then my alarm clock went off at 6:20. I looked like crap, because to be honest after I finished writing down all my angry feelings I started to cry. I cried because I’m such a rotten person and I just felt so vile towards my roommates. I cried because I’m done with being here. But I also know that leaving here wouldn’t make things better because everywhere is the same. People all over the world are in similar situations as I am. Life drags on for everyone, but most people have enough distractions to keep them content. I’m a little low in the distractions category. I have a mentally draining day job and a physically draining evening job and my roommates wear me out emotionally, and frankly there aren’t enough Sundays to make up for it. When did life become so permanently dreary? I have to learn to be happy, and I don’t know if I can do that. How do people do it? How come I can’t? I cried to God telling Him that I can’t do it. I’m not strong enough to do this. Then I kept asking him why I’m here, what am I suppose to be doing? Where am I supposed to be? When it comes down to it I kind of feel abandoned.
I sat in a car today for about half an hour just crying. Burrito was the one to shove me over the edge when he threw a tantrum at the store. Sometimes he frustrates me so much. My mom keeps trying to get me to move closer to home, well, to move home but I told her I couldn’t live there with Burrito and Spam. I can’t tolerate those two very well, and my emotional break down today in the car just proved that to my mom. Of course, it could also have to do with the fact that I was going on three hours of sleep and two sausage biscuits. So then she tried to get me to think about moving into a studio apartment attached to the house of a lady who goes to church with us. I don’t need my own place because then I will truly become anti-social and there will be no one to keep me in check of whether or not I am doing that. Besides, you have to just learn to live with certain people right? If you don’t then you are the one who becomes a very difficult person to live with.
Things got better anyway. I went back to my parent’s house and watched a Johnny Depp movie, what more does a girl need to feel better? I was isolated in my parent’s room and my cousins were not allowed to come in. Then I ate something, granted it was only some cheez-its. I finally called up my sister and we came to my house for a party, and before hand I decided that I would spend the night at my parents since I needed to be up earlier then my roommates would for church the next morning. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go because part of me was still mad at them for keeping me up the night before. But as soon as I got there they were apologizing to me about it. In fact during the party a couple of the guys who had been over came up to me and apologized because they didn’t realize I had been sleeping or how loud they had been. They probably saw how badly I looked because my eyes were probably puffy and I had dark circles under my eyes.
Anyway, my sister and I ended up having a really great time at the party! We didn’t really talk to too many people, but we don’t really need people to entertain us, well, we need them because we talk about them not to them. It’s not as mean as it sounds. My sister picked out three guys that she thought were pretty good looking and we just talked about how much they wanted her. It’s raises her self esteem and makes for a lot of laughs for the two of us.
When we were getting ready to leave we came into my room so I could grab my book bag with my overnight materials in it. Then some girls came in to talk to us so we sat down and talked for a while. Then this girl I didn’t know came in and sat down next to me on my bed, want to talk about awkward…we just did. But wait, there’s a bit more awkwardness here, some guy came into my room, one I don’t know, and came to attack the girl sitting next to me. He came uncomfortably close to my bed and I told him I wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be that close to my bed. Then he went in for the kill and was trying to get something from the girl but in the process was on my bed! I told him I was pretty sure he wasn’t suppose to do that and that maybe he should remove himself from my room. It was all jokingly…but not really. I don’t let strange guys attack girls I don’t know right there on my bed. Goodness I do have some morals! Then I was going to grab something out of my bathroom and I went to open the door quickly and I hit someone trying to get into my bathroom and I just quickly closed my door again while yelling out “sorry, sorry, sorry.” When we heard the toilet flush my friend went to check out who it was. Turns out it was the Researcher, my new friend who helped me to experiment on the party guest last time we had a get together. He told me that his foot caught the door, but he was probably just saving face because he just got his butt kicked by a girl.
Then the girls left and I was getting ready to leave so I was closing my “back door” (I have two doors to access my room) and my friend, who I call Master Jedi as part of his nickname, so that’s what I’ll call him here was walking though. He said that he saw the door open so was going to come check it out. Then he, like most other people that I know, said that he didn’t know I lived here too. I introduced him to my sister and then we ended up talking for a bit. I used to have a crush on this guy, and well, I still do. He’s one of those funny, sweet guys who is cute, but not drop dead gorgeous, and even though he doesn’t have dark brown hair I still like him. In the middle of conversation though he wondered if I fit on my bed, he said that it looked shorter than me…and yes, I do fit, but my feet usually stick out over the edge anyway, even though I have a fear of things grabbing my feet in the middle of the night.

Chapter 66
If Only I had a Knife

Chapter 66 has been removed by the writer for the fact that she has some serious remorse and regret about writing it. Therefore it has been removed, rather then simply edited.

Chapter 65
Red Dye 40

Today was considerably long, but I didn’t think it was all too bad…even taking into account all that happened. I worked in the bakery yet again. I got there at 10 and by 11 I had to wear an apron to hide the pink blemish on my pants that I had gained, bright pink. I was cutting cakes in half and there happens to be a cake with bright pink icing, it’s called the watermelon cake. I had already cut it in half and was trying to get the first half to a new container when it slipped/flipped/jumped towards my pants. I think my initial reaction was to try to save it by pushing my body towards it to stop it from hitting the ground. This is what I would do with any other object I would usually be dealing with at work; it’s not really a good idea when it is an object not in a container. Therefore the cake was on my pants. At this point I stopped worrying about salvaging the cake and threw it on the counter; it had made me mad now! Not really. I started to laugh which I figure is a pretty good reaction to something like this. I tried to clean it up but I think it just spread further. So I walked over to the kitchen with my hands over my pants and asked for an apron. They knew something was up so I had to show them.
Jaq came back a couple of times to “check up” I guess. I don’t know what he was really doing, probably avoiding work as usual. When he left the last time he squeezed my arm, right at the fatty part. He does that a lot and it really bugs me! I just want to tell him to stop squeezing my fat!
Puppy Love came over too; he really pisses me off with what a stalker he is. I was working and I had a pretty good visual of everything around me, had a wall behind me and somehow he got into my blind spot. It was just plain creepy. The first time he came up I was labeling stuff and he says, “What no hug?” Like I’ve ever actually gone over to him without some prompt and given him a hug. I told him I was working and he wouldn’t be getting a hug. He crossed the line into the bakery and came over and gave me a hug which I did not return. Then later he asked if I would take his shift on Tuesday night and I told him I couldn’t because I already grabbed someone’s shift that day. He asked what time and I’m not even sure, I just worry about it when it is that week. I told him it was probably closing and he said, “Oh I’ll keep my shift then because I’ll have someone to talk to.” I should have grabbed a knife and slit my wrist right then because just the thought of Tuesday night is already too painful for me to live through. I’m going to have to quit the job just to get away from him aren’t I? Or I could have him taken care of. Luckily when I was leaving he was going on break and I don’t even think he saw me leave, I slipped out the door.
I got to see the Warrior today though! I got my one wish for the week and that was to be able to tell him that he was the #1 cashier. He thought I was teasing him but finally believed me. He went upstairs to check it out just to make sure. He told me later that Jaq kind of burst his bubble and told him it wouldn’t last. That pissed me off, way to boost morale asshole. Oh and to add to that, the comment he made to me yesterday about no longer being his favorite cashier, and he told Poof Daddy today that he didn’t even make the top 5. When Poof was telling me about it he mentioned that Jaq talking to him like that didn’t really help him want to work harder. I think all three of us agree and I think I should mention to my favorite manager that Jaq is stifling our competition. The three of us have helped each other do better and we did it without Jaq’s help, in fact we probably did better when he wasn’t in the same vicinity as us.
I saw Baby Face too, today is the first day that he can drive without an adult in the car! I was way excited for him, I don’t really remember what that was like, but I’m sure I was excited when I was able to do that too…actually I was probably scared. And the Inspector was there this morning. The only bummer of it all was that I was in bakery and they were all up front-end (except the Warrior who had just come in for his check). It’s okay though, the way the others were scheduled, I wouldn’t have gotten to work with any one of them for very long.
As I left work today, I placed my purse just so, and tried to walk casually and coolly while holding it in place. Of course, I did show it off to a couple of people today. It was pretty cool, it was a new experience. I went to my parents home and soaked the heck out of the pink blob and I’m happy to report that you can barely see any pink in those pants…thank goodness because if they hadn’t I would have had to go back to the store and buy another pair and that’s twenty-some bucks and frankly I don’t get paid enough to look good at work. Besides the only way you see the pink is if you’re looking hard at it and considering where it is…I would have to wonder why someone would be looking at my thighs so intently, and I may have to call the cops.

Chapter 64
There Are Only So Many Hugs a Girl Can Take

So today at school the little boy I work one on one with was not there. So I was placed in another room to help out. There was a little boy in that class that I have met before. My sister baby-sits him and so we all hung out last week. I hadn’t even talked to him and he started to cuddle with me, hug me, once he even put his arm around me when we were out to lunch. Yesterday I saw him on the playground and he came up saying, “There you are, you’re here.” Then I saw him three other times while I was still out on the playground and he kept saying, “see you on the bus ramp.” He’s the cutest little kid. However, all he wanted to do was to hug me and cuddle with me today and he needed to do his work! I wasn’t sure if I was even helping in the classroom or if I was just a distraction for this kid. The day was long but fun, however, I really missed everyone in my classroom and I missed the way my classroom is run. I’ll be glad to be back there on Monday.
Then I went to work. I was really cranky today for some reason, probably a mixture of being completely worn out from the combination of these two jobs and then there’s also the fact that maybe my period is coming soon. Needless to say I wasn’t too pleased to be at the grocery store. Then to make it worse, Jaq came back from break and was in charge of the front. I don’t know how it started but I began to have an attitude and almost said some things I would have regretted. At one point he said that I used to be his favorite cashier when I was the number one cashier, but now The Warrior was. I took a pause here, saying one thought while keeping one silent. The first and silent thought was that I wanted to say to Jaq that he was never my favorite manager, so if he expected his “disappointment” to cause me to kiss up to him he was wrong. The second, vocal thought was that I was really excited for the Warrior. He’s been working hard to be the number one cashier and was almost to the point of giving up. Then Jaq asked me to go on register (I had just maneuvered my way off of one because customers were really annoying me today) and I told him flat out that I wasn’t his only cashier so I wasn’t going to (actually I think this was right before the “favorite” cashier remark was brought out). A few other things were said, and of course as usual everyone who heard thought I was joking. Then Jaq finally asked me why I was so mean to him (in a joking manner) and I told him he scheduled me for café one too many times. He then defended that he asked me every time, and this last time he even told me that if I didn’t want to it wasn’t too late to change the schedule (which he most certainly did not). I told him it didn’t matter because the day before this “incident” happened I told him that I really hated café. Apparently he just didn’t grasp the concept of “hate”.
So I continually denied his request to do him ‘favors’. It was almost liberating. Then Puppy Love came in and well, Puppy Love has been getting on my nerves lately, especially because he always wants to hug me. Yesterday I went to the store to buy groceries when I first went in he saw me and called me over, I was tired and I was cranky but I walked over and he gave me a hug, I asked, “Are you kidding me?” Then he took my groceries out, I could have taken them out myself but he insisted so I tried to make it brief and he gave me a hug. I am going to have to tell him the truth; one, I am not really a hugger and two, especially when it comes to him. Luckily Baby Face came in and that put me in a better mood, the best would be to have Baby Face, The Warrior, and Poof Daddy all there, but you take what you can get.
Then I got put back in the bakery at the time that I was scheduled to go home to give the lady a break. The lady would not just go! She had to look for the most ridiculous things like the only thing I had to do today was to sit and watch her frustrate herself! I was just getting pissed off at her because I didn’t need to be there and was she just going to take her break or not? Because I could go home if she wasn’t going to. She finally left and I just sat there waiting and rotting in the bakery. Once I looked over at the deli and I think one of the workers was laughing at me because he saw me just standing there in a daze, and he had heard earlier when I was telling my friend in the break room how much I hate the café…the bakery isn’t the café but it sure is close. While I was back there Puppy Love was taking out the trash and he called me to the back of the bakery and gave me another damn hug. I only half hugged him (breaking away slowly) and I took the opportunity to tell him that I was leaving as soon as the bakery lady got back. Hoping that it would get me out of hugs. Bakery lady came back and I clocked out and went to the front to tell my manager that I was leaving and to talk to my friend real quickly. So my manager asked me to stick around for a couple of minutes because her daughter was coming in with her grandchildren and she wanted me to meet them. So I stayed and talked to my friend and I went to look for mints for my manger because she really wanted some. Puppy Love saw me and called me over and I told him I was busy. I just started to get attitude with him because that will probably be the only way to deal with this. All this time I thought that in the past I was being rude by treating guys who liked me that I didn’t like with an attitude and try to pick fights with them. Who knew it was the only way to get rid of them?! Then as I was leaving I stopped to talk to Puppy Love quickly, he asked me if I had made my purse…it was cool that he thought I was cool enough to do something like that, but I had to tell him it was from Old Navy. Then as I was walking out Puppy Love was coming in and I noticed my friend on register and went straight to her to tell her goodbye, I think I even gave her a hug because I was so happy that I had avoided a hug from Puppy Love that I had to somehow share that joy. Sometimes you can just get all hugged out and sometimes you just feel like one more hug will push you over the edge.

Chapter 63
Miss Manners

Adults are rude. Now children are rude too, but they probably haven’t been told that what they are doing truly is rude, and even then it takes a while for them to realize that what they are doing is rude. Adults however have had years of experience. Today I was unfortunate enough to get stuck on express and between bouts of boredom and suicide attempts I had to deal with all the adult children coming in to buy groceries. I had one customer who was using the debit machine. Before she was done the next customer gets really close to her, looking at the debit machine like a small child would look at a game that some other kid was already playing; impatiently waiting for their turn. I had to wonder to myself if this lady realized how rude she was coming across as. Then you always and I mean always have the customers who “speak their mind” as if I really give a damn. We’ve had a chapter on how I feel about self pity and we all know that I am incapable of feeling sorry for people. I had one lady complain because the people in the deli weren’t working fast enough, of course she didn’t say it this way. She said that she must have been waiting for half and hour at the deli for her order, I gave a look of surprise to show that I may have an ounce of concern (which I didn’t). Then she said, “Well, they were working the whole time, but I guess they just can’t keep up like they used to.” “Oh,” I said, “Well that’s not good is it?” For a split second I thought maybe I should apologize to her that the people in the deli who have to stand on their feet for 8 hours a day (and it really is 8 hours a day since we work 8 and half hour days so that we can have our half hour break but still get 8 hours of pay) and who have to deal with snobby people constantly expecting them to drop everything to cut them some damn meat and these people probably want it shredded which will actually add about 5 to 8 minutes to fulfill your order because that takes so long, and the people who go home with blisters on their feet and hands, carpel tunnel, sore muscles, and cuts and scraps all over could not go as fast as they used to. My initial thought to that was that maybe usually they do go fast enough to help everyone in a timely manner, but did it ever cross this lady’s mind that maybe, just maybe we were busy!? It’s inconceivable I know, I mean, why would a grocery store ever get busy? I could tell the lady wasn’t happy that I didn’t baby her, that I didn’t call a manager over or something to alleviate the unjust way she had been treated. She was lucky that she got what she got from me, and that no one was rude to her in the deli. Those people, they have a lot of patience to not snap at these brats. Why should I call a manager over to hear someone complain about something stupid? Besides, we were so busy that one manager was on a register and the other one was constantly taking orders out. These people are the biggest group of spoiled, selfish, brats I have ever met and I can’t believe that they have so much time and free space in their brains to worry about making sure their stupid complaints are heard. Don’t they have anything more important to worry about then if their tomatoes ring up the right price or if they get their deli meat in less than 5 minutes? It’s almost sad when you think about it.
Meanwhile, I’m not so sure if Puppy Love got the message. I mean, everything pointed to him getting the message, and yet, he keeps hugging me and today he tried to put his arm around me and I bent down and let his arm slide over my head and told him he was too short to do that. Then as I was leaving he asked what I was doing tomorrow. I said that I was working all day long. At the school from 7:45 to about 12:30 and then at the store from 3-8. He said that he got off work at 12:30 and we could hang out for three hours. I don’t want to hang out with him. Luckily I diverted the whole situation. I was like, “Oh my gosh, I forgot to tell Jaq (I used his real name in real life) that I switched schedules with the Warrior, I need to go find him.” And off I went avoiding having to answer anything.
Another thing about Puppy Love has been bothering me. First off, let me interject here and say that I realized that I have been “nice” while writing. I haven’t really said what I’ve thought, and the point is to be honest, but part of me just still feels wrong about thinking/saying certain things. I’m over it for the time being and will write openly. So with my new found freedom I will first say that Gus-Gus walks like a raptor, don’t know what I mean? Go watch Jurassic Park. Now, on to Puppy Love. He doesn’t know when to stop, and when I say this I don’t mean his pursuance of me, which does fall into that category of not knowing when to stop but, what I am talking about is when he is joking around. We happened to have break together both times tonight…how exciting for me…not really. A friend of mine was also up there and we were joking around and Puppy Love would join in, but he wouldn’t follow the line of conversation. He got stuck on certain things and just kept talking! It was annoying! So much so that on both breaks I ended up standing up and going into the bathroom, one room that Puppy Love can’t follow me into.

Chapter 62
In the System

So I have been working my second job at the school, while of course still working at the grocery store and a strange thing has occurred. I have gained a renewed joy in working at the grocery store. Weird isn’t it? But having a “real” job, or so far the closest to a real job that I have had so far, has proven to me so much more how much I don’t want to grow up. I was thinking about Poof Daddy and how he is probably the closest one to my age and he is still working at the store and what makes the two of us so different? Of course then common sense reentered my mind and I remembered that he hasn’t started college yet and I have a degree and he is still three years younger than me and I’m just pathetically working my high school job. But I like the job; with the exception of my two managers (Gus-Gus and the other I will call Jaq…a little brighter than Gus-Gus but still a mouse). Jaq is a man whore, and I’m not saying this only because I don’t like him, but because he can’t stop himself from touching women, from talking to them, from staring at them. To just let you know, Gus-Gus is also a man-whore. These two are those creepy 30-something year old bachelor’s that you wouldn’t want to be alone in a dark parking lot…actually you just wouldn’t want to be alone with them, ever. Jaq and Gus-Gus are both incompetent in what their jobs require them to do, but Jaq has more responsibility to screw up with. He has one of the most important responsibilities that there is. He does the schedule. And yes, he screws it up. For example: this past Saturday he had almost everyone scheduled to work…we don’t need everyone, we have so many employees so that people can have days off, and take vacations, work different hours of availability, we do not have them so that all of them can come in on a Saturday and stand around. At one point I put myself back from the situation, really I was slacking hanging out at the sampling table eating cookies and joking around with Maps, but I looked at the front end and the customers were vastly out numbered by possibly 10 to 15 employees. The first thing Jaq said when he came is was, “Who wants to be put first on the ‘go home early’ list?” I told him not me because for some freaking reason I only have 16 hours next week and considering that I am supporting myself now and have to pay for things like food and gasoline, I need the money. He asked almost everyone, most of us are working for money, not just because we want to be at a grocery store on a Saturday morning. I almost told him that if he didn’t want to have too many employees then maybe he should work on how he schedules everyone.
Then we had four new people. So not only was everyone working that day, but we had four new people who wouldn’t be given the option to go home early because they needed to get used to working I guess. To add to this Jaq was supposed to give these four newbies a tour of the store; he pulled me off register and had me give them a tour. Have I already mentioned that this manager is the one who had me run the front end about a week ago because he didn’t feel like being up front? He even has me take the schedule to the break room telling me that I am the only one he can trust to do that. What is everyone else going to do with it? Change people’s schedules? Not deliver the goods? Just walk to the break room and put it up, how can people really screw that up? So I had to give the tour…I have never done that before. It was pretty lame, and I’m sure I forgot to tell them a bunch of stuff, but the important stuff got covered. I showed them where the break room was, the mop room, I told them that they would learn the store so we didn’t bother walking up and down the aisles. The best part was when I took them to the bakery and introduced them to the lady I most enjoy working with back there and then we gave them all a cookie. I took them back up front and let them bag and I went back to Maps and her sample table and told her about the tour. During the tour Baby Face came over to say goodbye, he had given in to Jaq’s request for people to go home and so two and half hours after coming in he was leaving. Then the inspector was the next to go. I was bummed because Baby Face and The Inspector are so much fun to work with and they were the first two to go. I had to wait for Poof Daddy and The Warrior to get to work to alleviate my disappointment.
Oh…wasn’t I complaining about something? Oh yeah, so Jaq lets people leave and then we get busy and need them there but no one is there because he has let them go! So Saturday we got slammed at about 2:30 and both Baby Face and The Inspector were supposed to be there until 3. I couldn’t help but get upset at Jaq because of his stupidity we were all working much harder than we should have. I was ringing up orders and bagging them and baggers were coming in barely in time to even take out the orders that the cashiers were bagging. It was just frustrating to me. I ended up staying a little bit after work to help out my fellow employees because they needed more people there. I will give Jaq something though, because of how angry I get at him I work faster to release the tension.
Did I mention that the day started well? I kept trying to get Baby Face to ring up some groceries but he wouldn’t do it. He said that he had thought once about being a cashier but that’s as far as it went. He thought about it one time, then nothing. Finally he came over to ring up a thing of soda and he couldn’t get it because he thought the bar code was on the bottom but it was on the side. So I said, “You’re right, you do suck at this.” And laughed and then told him where the code was and he got it. Then he walked to the end of the register and I asked him if he wanted to ring up the other sodas but he told me no, I told him that they would be easier to ring up but he still refused. He told me that someone needed to bag the order, I told him I would, but I guess it wasn’t the real reason. Also we all had to wear lays because it was Hawaiian Saturday or something like that. I was the only girl with about 6 guys, all wearing lays. It was fantastic. My Hawaiian dream come true.
One of my old teachers came in too, I told her how I am working at the school and she said that she had been thinking about me the other day and about working in the schools in the county. And now I am an employee of the county so she said she would talk to her husband and get back to me. So that should be interesting to see if any thing opens up that way. It really is all about who you know isn’t it?

Chapter 62

In the System

So I have been working my second job at the school, while of course still working at the grocery store and a strange thing has occurred. I have gained a renewed joy in working at the grocery store. Weird isn’t it? But having a “real” job, or so far the closest to a real job that I have had so far, has proven to me so much more how much I don’t want to grow up. I was thinking about Poof Daddy and how he is probably the closest one to my age and he is still working at the store and what makes the two of us so different? Of course then common sense reentered my mind and I remembered that he hasn’t started college yet and I have a degree and he is still three years younger than me and I’m just pathetically working my high school job. But I like the job; with the exception of my two managers (Gus-Gus and the other I will call Jaq…a little brighter than Gus-Gus but still a mouse). Jaq is a man whore, and I’m not saying this only because I don’t like him, but because he can’t stop himself from touching women, from talking to them, from staring at them. To just let you know, Gus-Gus is also a man-whore. These two are those creepy 30-something year old bachelor’s that you wouldn’t want to be alone in a dark parking lot…actually you just wouldn’t want to be alone with them, ever. Jaq and Gus-Gus are both incompetent in what their jobs require them to do, but Jaq has more responsibility to screw up with. He has one of the most important responsibilities that there is. He does the schedule. And yes, he screws it up. For example: this past Saturday he had almost everyone scheduled to work…we don’t need everyone, we have so many employees so that people can have days off, and take vacations, work different hours of availability, we do not have them so that all of them can come in on a Saturday and stand around. At one point I put myself back from the situation, really I was slacking hanging out at the sampling table eating cookies and joking around with Maps, but I looked at the front end and the customers were vastly out numbered by possibly 10 to 15 employees. The first thing Jaq said when he came is was, “Who wants to be put first on the ‘go home early’ list?” I told him not me because for some freaking reason I only have 16 hours next week and considering that I am supporting myself now and have to pay for things like food and gasoline, I need the money. He asked almost everyone, most of us are working for money, not just because we want to be at a grocery store on a Saturday morning. I almost told him that if he didn’t want to have too many employees then maybe he should work on how he schedules everyone.

Then we had four new people. So not only was everyone working that day, but we had four new people who wouldn’t be given the option to go home early because they needed to get used to working I guess. To add to this Jaq was supposed to give these four newbies a tour of the store; he pulled me off register and had me give them a tour. Have I already mentioned that this manager is the one who had me run the front end about a week ago because he didn’t feel like being up front? He even has me take the schedule to the break room telling me that I am the only one he can trust to do that. What is everyone else going to do with it? Change people’s schedules? Not deliver the goods? Just walk to the break room and put it up, how can people really screw that up? So I had to give the tour…I have never done that before. It was pretty lame, and I’m sure I forgot to tell them a bunch of stuff, but the important stuff got covered. I showed them where the break room was, the mop room, I told them that they would learn the store so we didn’t bother walking up and down the aisles. The best part was when I took them to the bakery and introduced them to the lady I most enjoy working with back there and then we gave them all a cookie. I took them back up front and let them bag and I went back to Maps and her sample table and told her about the tour. During the tour Baby Face came over to say goodbye, he had given in to Jaq’s request for people to go home and so two and half hours after coming in he was leaving. Then the inspector was the next to go. I was bummed because Baby Face and The Inspector are so much fun to work with and they were the first two to go. I had to wait for Poof Daddy and The Warrior to get to work to alleviate my disappointment.

Oh…wasn’t I complaining about something? Oh yeah, so Jaq lets people leave and then we get busy and need them there but no one is there because he has let them go! So Saturday we got slammed at about 2:30 and both Baby Face and The Inspector were supposed to be there until 3. I couldn’t help but get upset at Jaq because of his stupidity we were all working much harder than we should have. I was ringing up orders and bagging them and baggers were coming in barely in time to even take out the orders that the cashiers were bagging. It was just frustrating to me. I ended up staying a little bit after work to help out my fellow employees because they needed more people there. I will give Jaq something though, because of how angry I get at him I work faster to release the tension.

Did I mention that the day started well? I kept trying to get Baby Face to ring up some groceries but he wouldn’t do it. He said that he had thought once about being a cashier but that’s as far as it went. He thought about it one time, then nothing. Finally he came over to ring up a thing of soda and he couldn’t get it because he thought the bar code was on the bottom but it was on the side. So I said, “You’re right, you do suck at this.” And laughed and then told him where the code was and he got it. Then he walked to the end of the register and I asked him if he wanted to ring up the other sodas but he told me no, I told him that they would be easier to ring up but he still refused. He told me that someone needed to bag the order, I told him I would, but I guess it wasn’t the real reason. Also we all had to wear lays because it was Hawaiian Saturday or something like that. I was the only girl with about 6 guys, all wearing lays. It was fantastic. My Hawaiian dream come true.

One of my old teachers came in too, I told her how I am working at the school and she said that she had been thinking about me the other day and about working in the schools in the county. And now I am an employee of the county so she said she would talk to her husband and get back to me. So that should be interesting to see if any thing opens up that way. It really is all about who you know isn’t it?

Chapter 61
Being Peed On

So Puppy Love e-mailed me. I guess when I mentioned the age thing he got confused. Sweet Pea was right, she had told me not to mention too much because then he would read into it. He did. In his message he said he was confused and asked that if he was 18 would I date him? The kid is taking chances again, and while I admired it originally, enough is enough. He was just clearing his bases I guess. So I started to e-mail him back. I was thinking of explaining why I said the whole age thing, but then I decided not to because of what Sweet Pea said. So I finally just said that what I meant was that I don’t feel the same way, I only see him as a friend. Then he e-mailed me back, but luckily all it said was, “Oh I get it now” thank goodness because if he read into anymore I would give up and treat him like I have other people like this in the past (ignore them, or start a fight with them). Boy did he luck out.
Meanwhile, I just had a complaint that I thought I would interject here. I don’t like how girls have to tell each other secrets. When a girl likes a boy she just wants to tell someone, I guess it is just burning inside of her and if she doesn’t get it out she’ll be consumed. My roommate likes the Researcher. She told me last night while I was watching them play Mario Carts. I was cheering for the Researcher because he is my new friend and also because him and his friend were the underdog (always cheer for the underdog). I told my roommate that this is why I was cheering for his team. She said she was cheering for them because she had a thing for one of them. Turns out it is the Researcher. I can see why, he’s really cute, and he’s funny, and well, he gets along with people right away (not many people can get me to joke around so quickly). He’s short, so this is my way of saying that I’m not a threat to her. But he wasn’t that short…it doesn’t matter anyway now because she has peed on him. Wait a second, maybe I should fill you in on my train of thought with that last statement. Dogs…marking their territory, she didn’t really pee on him. Wow I hope that makes sense. But I was just thinking about it, because this is what always happens. A girl mentions who she likes, and he is no longer available to anyone who knows she likes him. That would make any girl who knew about it a back stabbing slut faced ho-bag. So now I probably will never talk to him again, because instinctively I tend to ignore the guys that my friends like, to protect myself from liking him too. I know what it is like to be backstabbed, and I didn’t like it much. It just figures though, I finally meet a cool guy here in Virginia and he has been marked. And the thing I hate about girl world is that I don’t ever pee on guys, I’m one of the few who likes to kept my secrets to myself or just share with some friends who may not even know the guy. But even then, my list of people who know is usually limited to one or two. I don’t just share it with any girl, or any roommate for that matter.
I am just left with one question: Why do people have to tell me secrets that complicate my life?

Chapter 60
Too eventful for an uneventful day

So I finally had it out with Puppy Love. Of course saying that I ‘had it out’ with him makes it seem like we had a fight or something, which I didn’t. So he came to church today, and I had been trying to e-mail him all last night but my internet had stopped working so I never got the chance to. He came up to me after sacrament and we were talking for a bit, but my sister was there and that means my nephew was there and I just wanted to get over to them and not deal with anything. So then he starts saying that he is going to come down to the nursery with me, all I could think was, “Not my sanctuary!!” It’s suppose to be a happy, carefree place! But as it turns out a lot of the kids his age know him, so he ends up going to Sunday school with them. But then he came down to the nursery later, did he want to talk then or something? Because seriously, I’m busy, I’m “involved” with the little ones. He leaves and then later comes back down again! I knew I needed to say something, so after church I offered to drive him home. Of course we had to walk back to my house first to get my car (have I mentioned I walk to church?) So he has now been to my house…slightly creepy. Anyway, so I gathered together some things to go over to my parents house before taking him home and I grab a disk saying something about needing to e-mail a friend something. Then he says, “Oh yeah e-mail”. I got that stomach dropping down a bottomless pit feeling and I was just like, “yeah” and he mentions how he still wants to know what I said in the e-mail that I didn’t yet get to send. So I tell him that I could go ahead and tell him on the car ride home or he could wait until I e-mailed him. So in the car I told him that I was flattered, but I just didn’t feel the same way, and I thought he was an amazing guy and I think I even threw in the age card because when I get nervous I say more than I have to. Then I apologized and started to say something about how I didn’t really know what I was suppose to say and then he says that it’s okay, he just had to take the chance. I told him I respected that he did that, and I really do. It’s hard to take chances and if no one took chances we would never get anywhere. I still felt like crap on the drive to my parents house.
I came home early tonight because I hadn’t been feeling well. Luckily I took two Advil before I left my parents because when I got back home there were people here, and more on the way. I was not in the mood but I felt the need to not be so anti-social this time. So I hung out in the kitchen with some guys that I have apparently known most of my life, but I don’t really know them. Then more boys began to come into the kitchen where I was. I met two really nice guys who are here for the summer, go figure. I moved into the other room and sat down because someone mentioned playing a game so I thought that meant we would be soon. SO as I sat on the piano bench one of the guys I met came and sat down by me and just started talking to me, and it wasn’t even creepy, and I mentioned being socially retarded without being socially retarded. I was cracking jokes with the guy, and he was laughing, and we even did an experiment. You know you were meant to be friends when you conduct an experiment in a social setting together. People weren’t eating a certain type of candy on the table and we hypothesized about whether it was due to the fact that they were unopened or if it was because of what color they were. Turns out it was because they hadn’t been opened because as soon as we opened them everyone was picking them over all the other candy. We kept trying to play a game and finally my new friend and I decided to take charge and I just said, ‘Yeah we can do that because we are leaders, we opened this candy, and we opened the nerds, and now we are going to get this game rolling!” The game didn’t really start rolling right away though because we overlooked location. It’s all about the location right? Once we had that we started to play, but part of me thinks that maybe too many people were playing. It was hard to keep focused, or to even hear what was going on and worse yet, to know who was still in.
So I spent the rest of the evening walking around trying to find something to do. I ended up going upstairs to watch my new friend (The Researcher) learn how to play Mario Carts, and better yet, begin to kick some butt! I got bored with it though and came downstairs several times, but I always ended up going back to watch the game. Then I came downstairs and they were having a “dance party” which was pretty much just four girls dancing around, one of them was in short shorts and a tank top, and you know, as much as I like feeling like I am at a strip club I decided to go and watch some more Mario Carts, because that’s got to be better than feeling like I have a couple of perverted guys in my living room watching some whorish girls shake their booty. Why don’t they just pull out their dollar bills and start to shove them down the girl’s pants. I’m sure the girls wouldn’t mind the extra cash.

Chapter 59
Holiday Shopping

Today the customer from hell came into the store and she just happened to come to my line! Why in the world did she pick my line? I was going along at a good pace, and we were busy but we weren’t what I would call backed up. This lady must have been the Warrior’s grandmother, because he threatened to have every member of his family come into the store and hand me one item at a time and then have me void off some items too, which is exactly what this customer did. It all started before I even had to deal with her. She was trying to get the attention of the cashier in front of me. I thought that maybe this was because she knew him or because she had something interesting to tell him. So I get his attention for her and she asked him to put some bread back because she didn’t want it. I quickly intercepted that conversation and told her that I would find someone to take care of that because he was on a register. Then I finished with the customer in front of her and it was her turn. She handed me one item at a time, she kept saying, “This is how I want it bagged” and “I will tell you what I want and what to ring up next.” Like I’m her freaking orderly and my one job is to give her a place to feel like she is truly in charge when really all she is doing is pissing me off. I mean, I don’t feel unjustified in feeling like this lady wanted a place where she was boss. Because when she decided that she didn’t bring enough money to cover all the groceries in her cart, and not even all of them already rung up she started to tell the baggers that she will decide what goes back. No shit Sherlock, why would we choose what you don’t go home with? Did I mention that we ended up putting half a cart back on the shelf? I mean seriously, budget as you go. You know how much money you have because you are carrying it around in cash form. Since you know you only have this much, pay attention to what you are buying! Even then, if you are worried you went over, watch the screen, hold back the things that you can live without at the end of the cart, because I’d rather you be annoying in that way, then be annoying in the way of making me void off so many items and having you slow me down completely. I feel bad for the customers who picked my line. I never feel bad for the customers, but today I honestly did.
After she left I was so pissed off I considered asking a manager if I could take a quick bathroom break. I just needed to get away from all the idiots! Did I also mention that tonight was the worst night to work because no one good worked? I don’t only mean no one fun, I mean no one who does anything. ANYTHING! I worked with a bunch of people who like to feel like they are working by constantly going to the water fountain or to the bathroom. I understand that they are thirsty because they go in and out side all day long. I know what that’s like. But for the love, when they are off hydrating and in a way dehydrating themselves I am doing two people’s jobs. I am ringing up the groceries and I am bagging them. Then I only look for the freshly hydrated baggers to finally take them out. I’m thirsty too! But without baggers actually coming up to the registers and helping us, cashiers don’t get any sort of break. I help the baggers when they are there; I actually like to do that. But at least I do not have to bag really hard because I am the only one there, I can sit back for a second if the bagger has everything under control and I can breath. That way, I don’t blow up at the customers (in my mind) or at the baggers either. And my whole body doesn’t end up shaking from exhaustion and everything else included in not having to do a cardiovascular workout for 6 straight hours.

Chapter 58
Shout!

There are very few times in my life that I would actually do a plug for a product but I have to say that Shout is amazing! I am doing laundry tonight (story to come) and I just checked my pants for stains (contained within story to come) and there were none! I couldn’t help but feel the need to share the gospel of Shout. Now that I can tuck my soap box back under my bed I will move on to the adventures of my day, for it has been a long and eventful day.
To begin I take you back to yesterday. I was bagging some groceries at work when I picked up a package of tomato juice. Suddenly one of the cans popped and I was sprayed in the face and all over the front of my shirt, some even got on my pants. What an unexpected freak accident. So then today by a mere sliver of chance I was put on a register. I had been on that register but since it was slow I was bagging, but it began to pick up again and the manager asked another girl to go on register but I was still signed on. When I went up to sign off she asked if I wanted to stay on register. Thinking nothing of it I decided to continue on register and took the next order. As I worked on this order I noticed something red leaking from the cart but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I saw a glass jar of spaghetti and for a split second thought that maybe it was the sauce, but why and more so how would the sauce be leaking? As I went to pick up the jar I changed my mind but it was too late. I picked up the jar but the bottom stayed right where it was set. There was a strange sucking sound as all of the spaghetti sauce came out of the jar in a rush, all over the cart, the floor, my feet, and my pants. Two days with tomato substance instances and I don’t even like tomatoes. Unsure of what to do I closed my register and finished the lady’s order. I helped my friend clean up the floor and then went to clean myself up. I smelled of pasta and one friend said that I was making her hungry. When I returned from the bathroom after trying but failing to clean the red stains off my pants, I was put back on the same register and a couple of orders later I was ringing up some groceries and the bagger kept saying something but I couldn’t understand and it turns out that he was telling me that the bag of salad I was holding was open. As lettuce sprinkled my register I had the overwhelming feeling that today was not my day. However, I was surprisingly upbeat. I just felt like I had a whole meal going today. So that is why I am doing laundry and why I believe in the cleaning power of Shout.
In other events, work related but minus food spillage. Puppy Love worked tonight. Turns out that his internet has crashed anyway and he can’t get on it. So he hadn’t known that I had read the e-mail and he hadn’t gotten my message asking if he was working. So he was asking me today if I checked my messages. I said I got his and he smiled and I smiled back (probably a bad idea, I didn’t smile like my hopes and dreams had been fulfilled, it was a nervous smile…or so I think, because I also didn’t think I was seducing this kid). I tried to avoid it after that which was pretty easy.
I got Baby Face pretty good today though. I was helping this kid bag at one register and Baby Face walks up to the next one and looks at me and asks me to come help him bag. I look at the order I am working on and tell him I am helping there, he tells me the kid doesn’t need help but he does. So I come over to his register and my friend who I should probably think of a name for, went up to the register that I had just left. Baby Face tells me that now everything will be okay because he is there and I told Baby Face that my friend wasn’t there to help and Baby Face said that it was because he was retarded. I told him I would tell my friend so he calls out to my friend and when my friend turned around to hear what he had to say Baby Face suddenly says that I was the one who said that he was retarded. Well it was maybe a half hour later when I went to help my friend bag and he comes up to me and says, “So I’m retarded huh?” I told him in all seriousness that it wasn’t me but Baby Face. So then I see Baby Face and I tell him that I got it all worked out with my friend and now he knew who really called him retarded. He asked me if I was serious and as I told him I was we had walked up to my friend’s register and Baby Face was afraid to bag for him! I told him it was okay, so he finally started to bag. Then later my friend tells me that Baby Face has down syndrome and well, since down syndrome involves noticeable facial features I tell my friend that maybe he has Autism. Meaning that if you are going to say someone has something that they don’t, then don’t pick something that has distinctive physical characteristics. All that ended up happening was that my friend said he was going to tell Baby Face that I said he was Autistic. I begged him not to because that is not what I meant when I said it. I think it worked because as far as I know it wasn’t told to him.
Then Baby Face was bagging for me later and I laughed about something and he kind of mocked my laugh and said something about me laughing and I told him he was mean to me and I wasn’t going to talk to him anymore. He didn’t really know how to respond and he finished the order and took it out and didn’t come over to my register for a while. Of course, I wasn’t about to give in and talk to him though because I’m a brat like that, and it did hurt my feelings a little bit. When he finally came back over the first thing he did was compliment my bagging. Then he gave me a sly look coupled with a smirk. I had to wonder what he was up to. Never did find out though.
Earlier today I was working with The Inspector and he is going to be becoming a cashier soon. So he walks up to my register while no one is there and says, “are you getting scared?” I was at a loss, what was I suppose to be scared of? Finally he says, “because the world’s best cashier is about to get trained.” He is so funny like that. So then later he comes up to bag for me and I really start checking the groceries fast and I was doing it on purpose. So I finish the order and start to help him bag and he says, “I know what you’re doing.” And I asked all innocently, “what?” he starts by saying, “You’re an A+ cashier, I’ll give you that,” and he calls me on what I was doing. I tell him that I just felt the need to put him in his place and let him know who’s boss. He is so funny and I really do hope that he does well as a cashier.
After work I ran into a friend who works there with me but in a different department. We were talking and for some strange reason I told him about this little book and I told him about Puppy Love. He asked me what his nickname was and I told him that I didn’t have one for him yet. I guess I should come up with one pretty quickly for him. He decided that we needed to hang out again since we haven’t done that yet since I got home. I said, “yeah” and kind of turned away for a second and he asked what was up and I told him that people always say, “We should hang out” but people never really do it. When you have to say it to someone the chance that you ever actually will is slim to none. He then says that he hates when people do that, therefore, since he said he hates people like that he excluded himself from that group of people. I agreed with his philosophy but then told him that I have also learned that people are hypocrites, they say one thing and do another. I know because I am one of them too. But he said that he would call me later tonight when he got off of work and we would hang out. I agreed to this but didn’t put all my eggs in one basket.
Then I bought my milk and Cheerios because I was in desperate need of both. Baby Face bagged my groceries and all he could say was, “That’s a big box of Cheerios.” All I could respond with was, “I like Cheerios.” He seemed to think it was funny.
So I came home (after visiting family all over) and as I was putting my stuff away my friend called me. “Good boy,” I thought. We agreed to meet at work and then go to a friends house and hang out. When I hung up with him I was in the kitchen and this ugly spider came out of no where. The closest thing I had was a pizza box so I threw it on him calling him ugly as I did so. Then I told him he was a dead ugly spider as I stepped on the box and slid it for good measure. Then I left the box there because I didn’t want a barefooted roommate to step on the spider guts. I wrote a note on the box, “I killed an ugly spider and his guts remain under this box. You can thank me later for saving your lives.” And I signed my name. Then I left to meet my friend. I told him about the spider incidence and the note I left. He laughed and said I would be a really cool roommate.
We decided to go out to dinner, my two friends and I. It was pretty interesting. I got a hug for being against the feminist movement and I found soul mate in many of my views on womanhood, I just never thought it would be a guy. P.S. did I mention that this friend is the guy who dated my best friend in high school and I was the substitute girlfriend, so technically we have dated and we took a wedding date predictor test online and the two of us are getting married on the exact same day? Anyway. I just felt the need to give you a little background about that. He’s also the friend who I felt was trying to pawn Ex-boyfriend off on me. Wow, he really does deserve a nickname in here. He shows up more than I realized. I think I will dub him “Wheezy” because we were joking tonight that he wheezes in other words, he has weak lungs. I shall dub the other friend Officer Wiggum, because he wants to be a police officer.
There was one point in time while we were talking that all three of us were having a different conversation, talking to no one in particular, Wheezy was the one to point it out and we all just laughed because no one seemed to be bothered by it. Then I was wigging out because our waiter was creeping me out. I felt like I had my eye on him and I would see who I thought was him going into the back and suddenly he was right there by the table. It happened 2 or 3 times and I was just talking to myself trying to figure it out. Finally Wiggum told me that there were two guys that looked alike.
My favorite part though was when we were talking about differences between guys and girls. Wheezy said that he would hate to be a girl because it would be so hard; I thanked him for that comment. But it’s true. We were talking about how a guy can hit another guy in the face and the other one could hit him back if he wanted to or not and they may stop talking for a couple of minutes, but within the hour they are on there way to hang out somewhere. You do that to a girl and she is working on a plan to ruin your life. I mentioned that this difference is why I always hung out with boys; I also mentioned the unfortunate truth that girls use guys because they are so much more laid back. Somehow though when I said all of this it all came out together and Wheezy said, “You like to hang out with us because you use us?” I hadn’t realized it even came out that way. He was smiling the whole time though when he said it and then he goes, “where is your purse? You did bring it in with you right?” I looked at him and said, “Oh I thought you were buying for all of us.” (I had my purse with me). So then the bill came and Wheezy hadn’t asked for it to be split. None of us had cash so we were trying to figure it out. The best part was, I got a Shirley temple and the waiter put it down as water. So when I was looking at mine I said, “Oh, my drink was free,” and I paused as I still stared down at the receipt and then I said, “It’s because I’m pretty.” Wheezy laughed about that, he laughed at a lot of things I said tonight and just like with my cousins I didn’t know if it was because I am funny or if the one beer he had left him intoxicated. Then Wiggum mentioned splitting the appetizer three ways and Wheezy said two ways because that was theirs and I told them I ate one of them and both said that it didn’t count. So I said, “Oh I love being able to use boys.” I was joking around because of our earlier conversation. So on the tally so far, free drinks and a free cheese stick. As we discussed how to pay Wheezy remembered that Wiggum owed him money anyway, so Wiggum was covering Wheeze’s part. Then I told him I could write him a check but he told me he trusted me to pay him back cash some day. I repeated liking the part about using boys because I went out with my friends and didn’t spend any money. (Oh and Wiggum called me later asking if I could drive his girlfriend to work the next day and we are calling the $8 even). I forgot how much fun it is just to hang out with my boys, I haven’t done it in so long. Sure there are the risks of them talking about other girls like I’m one of the boys and like I actually appreciate it or something. But I quickly remind them that I am a girl too, and I don’t like that talk. Then they quit and we’re having fun again.
After eating we went back to Wiggum’s house and started to watch a movie. Wheezy kept apologizing for if he was being stupid, which I didn’t think he was being, but I like apologies regardless of if they are needed. As we were leaving I was yawning and Wiggum asked if I was tired and I told him that I wasn’t, I just always yawned for no reason (which is true, I yawn all the time whether or not I am tired). Officer Wiggum said that there was no need to be such a smart ass, but they both thought that was funny, leaving me to think that today I am being funny without even trying.
When I came home at 2 AM there were people still over here at the house. I didn’t even think about these people seeing the note that I had left for my roommates, but at least they liked it. As I came up to the door someone was coming out, I don’t know who it was but he let me know that I scared the crap out of him. What a mess, just kidding. That’s pretty much where the night ends.
Oh by the way, I mention cutting more hair off and giving myself semi-bangs right? Well if not, I did. I got a lot of comments on it. I was surprised every time, but people really liked it. They think it’s a cute hair cut (it was down today so it looked decent). One girl even told me that she wants to come to me for her next hair cut. So…I guess I didn’t screw it up!

Chapter 57
Nothing like the Threat of Decapitation to Make the Day More Interesting.

So today I walked around all paranoid at work. I was trying to pay attention to the fact of whether or not I’m “attracting” people. I talked to Sweet Pea last night about my “problem”. I asked her why this stuff happens to me, basically she says that I am “myself” around guys who I don’t see as a “threat”. I wonder how many words I can enclose in quotation marks. It makes sense and I told Sweet Pea that it felt good to be talking to someone who knows me better than I know myself.
I screwed up. Puppy Love came in to the store. I hadn’t e-mailed him back yet and I had this whole thing planned, just like Sweet Pea told me, tell him I’m flattered but tell him that I don’t feel the same way and I hope we can still be friends. But he threw me off. He came into the store this morning and I thought he was working that night and well, everything was out of space and time. He came through my line and there was a customer behind him and I was just finishing up a customer and there wasn’t enough time and it wasn’t the right place to even bring it up. So I talked about his cereal that he was buying and because of my nervousness I didn’t maintain eye contact very well and he ended up walking away without his receipt and I felt like crap. The whole day I kept trying to think of what I should do. When I got off of work I went and e-mailed him, but I didn’t feel like I should e-mail that I didn’t feel the same way (don’t worry I’m not a complete moron I didn’t e-mail that I felt the same either). But instead I e-mailed him telling him that I thought he was going to be coming into work that night (which it turns out that I had looked at the wrong day on the schedule). I also asked when he would be working again, that’s it. That’s all I wrote. Something tells me that it wasn’t the best way to handle the situation but I don’t know what the hell I am suppose to do. In an ideal world he would have been working, I would have talked to him in person about this. Actually, in an ideal world this would have never happened to me because I would be somewhere else in my life right now instead of 23 years old and working at a grocery store with a bunch of teenagers.
In other news, I gave myself bangs last night. Don’t worry; it wasn’t due to emotional instability this time, this was due to pure boredom. Along with the bangs I cut off about an inch. I think I like having my hair a shorter length, it looks cuter and I feel lighter and happier. Well.
Right now I am a bit peeved at a roommate. Awkward huh? I didn’t think that it would get to this point, and so quickly too, but it has arrived. All she does is talk tell the same stories over and over again and talk about this one guy who she says she doesn’t like but he sure is the preoccupation of her conversations. Then today I called her because some people were going to go play ultimate Frisbee and I got the voicemail and I asked her to call me back telling me where they would be playing and what time. She never called back. So I spent the evening with my parents which isn’t really that odd and I came home and no one was home. My roommates always bitch about how I don’t hang out with them and when I make the effort there is no reciprocation. Do they complain because it helps them to feel better? To feel like they actually want to include me in things but in all reality I am to them only competition with boys. I wish there was a non-threatening way to just bring it out in the open that I am not competition for them, at least not with the boys around here. I mean seriously, how many 17 year olds are they trying to snag? Apparently that’s the only area of boy world they have to worry about with me. I am never going to end up dating one of “their guys”, aside from the fact that I think their guy friends are completely immature and I haven’t met one yet that I would even find capable of interesting banter but you couple this with the fact that guys (who are in my bell curve…you know, older than 21, single, tall, etc.) are not interested in me. I live in buddy land. I’m actually running for office, “Vote Me for President”. And it’s true that my roommates seem to be holding green cards in buddy land, but the difference between them and me is the fact that I am not under some false impression that there is a way out, and that one of these weaklings is going to be able to fix me. I guess I’m just upset because sometimes I feel like all girls are the same, I mean, they may pretend to be better than your average girl, but underneath girls are jealous conniving creatures. Have I not already said this? I think I have said this all before. I just didn’t ever say it from the perspective of a girl who feels intentionally left out. The person I should really be upset with is me, and I’ll admit that I am a bit. It’s my “anxiety” that keeps me from just going out into the other room (oh did I mention my roommates came home while I was writing this and they brought some boys over) and just saying ‘hi’ or something. I guess I am well conditioned, and I just don’t want to interfere with whatever lame flirting thing they’ve got going on.
Last night for instance, I came home and one of my roommates was upstairs with her ex-boyfriend. What the hell are people thinking about when they decide to hang out with an ex? It’s a lonely road to disaster; you’ll just end up liking the guy again or worse, more than you did before because he’s such a sweetheart of an ex-boyfriend to you. Anyway, I didn’t even go upstairs at first, he called out another roommate’s name when I walked in the front door and I just told them it wasn’t her, so he was asking my roommate who it was. Then all the questions started because this is one of the bright paramecium brains they are worried about me stealing away. I hear my last name and I assumed it’s because I know this guy that is upstairs so I go upstairs to see who it is. I don’t know him. He asks me why he hasn’t met me and I kind of feel like Cady Heron in Mean Girls when Regina George says, “wait, why don’t I know you?” I almost responded that I had been home schooled but the movie quote would have been wasted on him. I answer a few questions, my roommate tells him that I just graduated and he says, “from high school?” and then the missing pieces of the puzzle start to come together…’oh,’ I think to myself, ‘I look like a high-schooler, this explains most all of my problems now.’ I told him college, I just graduated from college. I engage in some conversation with another roommate and then I decided that I want to go back downstairs and call Sweet Pea. OH! But the whole point of that story was how my roommate reacted to my innocent interaction with her ex-boo. She seemed a little uneasy, and you know how sometimes you can sense that when other girls are getting uneasy that you are even breathing. That was when I decided that hiding out in my room was better than looking like I was trying to have an interesting conversation with a roommates ex-territory, girl rule number 37, “don’t engage in any form of conversation with another girl’s ex-boyfriend, whether she is family, friend, foe, acquaintance, if you know the girl, don’t talk to the ex”…I’m so stupid.
I wish I weren’t the unpopular roommate.