Chapter 89
Are We Really Supposed to Connect?

Today I learned that just because you are from California does not mean you are cool, and just because you’re from Utah doesn’t mean that you’re a shank. I know what you are thinking, “uh, yeah if you are from California then you are cool.” Granted, many people I have met from California do meet the Californian criteria. But the girl today that I met from California seemed to proclaim it proudly so that people would think she was cooler then she actually was. It doesn’t work though; you can’t fool people that way. On the other hand the girl from Utah didn’t shrink in fear of being labeled, she proudly said where she was from and everyone could tell that even though she grew up there not everything that comes out of Utah is damaged. As for the Californian chick, she must have been from Southern California, I’ve heard about them.
Life with the mouse is good. Still don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl and I’m okay with that. Especially since it still seems to be a problem with Motor Mouth, she’s “stuffed up” but can still tell how badly he/she smells. Yeah, he smells, and I still prefer him over you. I suppose some people walk a thin line with me. If this house were survivor I would totally be rallying to get the others to vote her off the island. A little secret that I will only write in here and never tell anyone, I flipped Motor Mouth the bird today while her back was turned. She just aggravates me so much. I’m trying to do better, but I suppose I’m not trying hard enough. I wish I was one of those people who felt bad about not getting along with their roommates, but I’m not. I figure getting along with 2 out of 3 of them is probably the best I’m going to get accomplished.
B.F.F. (remember her? Yeah I barely do either) came over to my parent’s house tonight for dinner. I invited her over because she has been trying to hang out with me for the last week but our schedules are complete opposites. I’m at work when she’s home, she’s at work when I’m home. So I told her she could just come to my parent’s house for Sunday dinner. She called me yesterday while I was at work and I half expected a voicemail saying that she wasn’t going to be able to make it. But she did come and we took good old George on a quick mile walk to try to wear him out. While we were walking she complained that I look like I’ve lost a lot of weight. Well, first she asked me if I lost any and I told her maybe a little and then she said, “Maybe a lot”. Any other friend I would have been flattered, but with B.F.F. it’s almost a death sentence. If you make her feel insecure about her weight then she may not hang out with you anymore. Heaven forbid I lose another five pounds or something; that might end our friendship. I’m not losing weight to make her feel bad, heck, I didn’t even realize I was losing weight, I mean, I want to, but if I am losing weight it’s something for me.
So Wiggum’s ex-girlfriend called me tonight, and while I have no problems with the girl I don’t really want to talk to her. So I hit ignore and listened to the message later, which by the time I had gotten around to listening to my voicemail I had gotten one from Wiggum. She was planning a surprise birthday dinner at Applebee’s for Wiggum. The next voicemail was Wiggum saying that his ex was planning something, but he wasn’t sure what and he doesn’t like surprises, so I should call him and tell him what was going on. Since I don’t really want to talk to either of them on the phone I called Wheezy to find out the details of tomorrow night. He said that he didn’t think anything was going to happen because Wiggum seemed pretty adamant that no matter what his Ex planned he wasn’t going to go. We talked for a bit longer and then decided that we would just talk at work tomorrow since I’ll actually be there. Not more then 15 minutes later Wheezy calls me and tells me that it sounds like maybe dinner was on for tomorrow, but who knows with those two if it will still happen. So he asked if I’d like to go with him to dinner if it does in fact happen. I told him yeah, going in pairs was safer anyway. That way if dinner turns into a yelling match between Wiggum and his Ex we can awkwardly slip out together instead of awkwardly slipping out by ourselves. Sometimes it’s good to have a friend who can help you bear your other friends.