Chapter 104
The Goodbye Chapter

Well, I guess this thing is over. I mean, I didn’t start writing it for Sweet Pea; it was all about me…still is mostly. But I leave for California tomorrow and I give Sweet Pea a copy of this. Is it a faux pa to continue writing in it after there is a copy out there that ends here? I could always start volume 2 I suppose. I mean 195 full pages of rants and raves and secrets is a bit much. Maybe I should just start writing in my journal more often.
I’ve been writing in this think for so long that it’s going to be weird to not open it up on my desktop when something bugs me, or I have an interesting story to tell. It’s always the first place I go and now, now what? I’ve never been good at goodbyes. So if you were expecting the “goodbye chapter” to be some amazing reading material you’ll sadly find that it is the ramblings of a girl who has been slightly changed over the course of time that it has taken to write this thing.
I started off writing because I always felt depressed, and yes, I’ve still had days like that. You followed me through therapy, pretend husbands, graduation, moving home and adjusting to living with “girls”, the ups and downs of my job, and now we end with me getting ready to go to California for the very first time in my life. I bought a digital camera, it’s really nice and the cool part is that I’ve taken a couple of pictures and the batteries are still fine (My old one dies after about 5 shots). I can zoom in and still have enough battery to take the picture! It’s amazing. It’s the most expensive impulse shopping I’ve ever done, but I can rule it out as impulsive because I looked through all the ads and picked the cheapest for the best pixel. I love it. I can’t wait to show it to Sweet Pea. I can’t wait to see Sweet Pea. I was thinking about my trip last night. Wondering if I would be all shy and awkward around her family at first, even though I know most of them, and wondering if as we are falling asleep we’ll talk like we used to when we lived in Rexburg, having the most random conversations ever! Then I realized that it’s not a very long trip, I tried to make it as long as possible but no matter what Sunday evening is going to come and I am going to have to fly home. I hope I don’t cry. But I already know it’s going to be hard to say goodbye.
I was supposed to hang out with a friend last night. She’s fun, I like being her friend, but I don’t really like hanging out with her, if that makes sense and hopefully doesn’t make me look like a jerk. But I was thinking that I need friends that I actually want to hang out. I always wanted to hang out with Sweet Pea, even if we had just been fighting. How many friends can you have like that?
Life is going to be so weird without this thing.