Chapter 82
Upgrades

My parents found out that I got the position at work. The lady called and left my schedule on the phone at my parent’s house and congratulated me on getting promoted. I didn’t realize this because why would I listen to my parents voicemail? I don’t know why the lady didn’t just call my cell phone. When my mom asked me about it I felt a little bad about not telling them, actually it was more so the fact that I thought about the reasons my mom thought I wouldn’t tell her. I didn’t want to just come out and say that I didn’t think she would be happy for me because even though it is the truth that might hurt my mom’s feelings more than whatever she was thinking my reasons were. It’s just how I feel though; no matter what I do at the store I don’t think it will be good enough for who I am and for what I have done so far. I have a college degree and I’m not using it. It’s why I’m working much harder on getting ready for Grad school. That and because conversations about stalkers are not few and far between at a grocery store, and one conversation about it today got me thinking about if I had a stalker. That’s when it hit me, they’d only have to go one place to find me and that’s the dang grocery store. I was Bruce Willis in “The Sixth Sense”. I was realizing that I had died after walking around for so long just thinking I was actually interacting with the people in my life, thinking I was actually doing stuff that meant something that other people even noticed. Socially I am dead. This is probably why I have started to hang out with the teenagers again. Hey it’s a step in the right direction. This isn’t what my parent’s saw for me; this isn’t what I saw for myself. That’s why I don’t tell them.
Speaking of more responsibility, Jaq mentioned to me today that he was going to talk to Bull Dog about making me a fill-in manager. It’s pretty much Gus-Gus’s job, and I’ve always felt like I could do that job easy. Of course this is just one more thing that I will probably fail to mention to my parents, and for the same reasons I didn’t mention getting the trainer position. The scariest thing is, the thought excites me. I could try to convince you and to convince myself that I am excited because how great would that look on a résumé? All these promotions, all this responsibility, I must be a good employee; some people would want me to work for their company. But really, it’s because I’m a geek and doomed to die in grocery store but as long as I get to wear a different colored shirt then most of the employees, I will die happy. Maybe it’s because it’s more money, but money has never really been something I have thought about, I mean, yes, I remember that I have bills to pay, but it’s never been a driving force for my actions. Maybe it’s because I would be more of an equal instead of a subordinate to Gus-Gus and Jaq. Well, not so much Gus-Gus if I get it because this is his job we’re talking about. I have no problem taking it from him. Maybe inside I really am a feminist and I should just start burning my bras now. But I suppose for now we’ll just wait and see if any of this even happens.