Chapter 82
Upgrades
My parents found out that I got the position at work. The lady called and left my schedule on the phone at my parent’s house and congratulated me on getting promoted. I didn’t realize this because why would I listen to my parents voicemail? I don’t know why the lady didn’t just call my cell phone. When my mom asked me about it I felt a little bad about not telling them, actually it was more so the fact that I thought about the reasons my mom thought I wouldn’t tell her. I didn’t want to just come out and say that I didn’t think she would be happy for me because even though it is the truth that might hurt my mom’s feelings more than whatever she was thinking my reasons were. It’s just how I feel though; no matter what I do at the store I don’t think it will be good enough for who I am and for what I have done so far. I have a college degree and I’m not using it. It’s why I’m working much harder on getting ready for Grad school. That and because conversations about stalkers are not few and far between at a grocery store, and one conversation about it today got me thinking about if I had a stalker. That’s when it hit me, they’d only have to go one place to find me and that’s the dang grocery store. I was Bruce Willis in “The Sixth Sense”. I was realizing that I had died after walking around for so long just thinking I was actually interacting with the people in my life, thinking I was actually doing stuff that meant something that other people even noticed. Socially I am dead. This is probably why I have started to hang out with the teenagers again. Hey it’s a step in the right direction. This isn’t what my parent’s saw for me; this isn’t what I saw for myself. That’s why I don’t tell them.
Speaking of more responsibility, Jaq mentioned to me today that he was going to talk to Bull Dog about making me a fill-in manager. It’s pretty much Gus-Gus’s job, and I’ve always felt like I could do that job easy. Of course this is just one more thing that I will probably fail to mention to my parents, and for the same reasons I didn’t mention getting the trainer position. The scariest thing is, the thought excites me. I could try to convince you and to convince myself that I am excited because how great would that look on a résumé? All these promotions, all this responsibility, I must be a good employee; some people would want me to work for their company. But really, it’s because I’m a geek and doomed to die in grocery store but as long as I get to wear a different colored shirt then most of the employees, I will die happy. Maybe it’s because it’s more money, but money has never really been something I have thought about, I mean, yes, I remember that I have bills to pay, but it’s never been a driving force for my actions. Maybe it’s because I would be more of an equal instead of a subordinate to Gus-Gus and Jaq. Well, not so much Gus-Gus if I get it because this is his job we’re talking about. I have no problem taking it from him. Maybe inside I really am a feminist and I should just start burning my bras now. But I suppose for now we’ll just wait and see if any of this even happens.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Chapter 81
Juvenile Weekend
So The Warrior and I went out on our date last night. You know, the date that I said would never happen because I was just joking when I asked him when we were going to go. So he kept brining it up and we decided to go see a movie. Then we tried to plan the cheapest date ever (which didn’t happen, not with the price of movies!) Then we threw in Cold Stone ice-cream because he’s never had any. So for the first time in…well, ever, I was excited for a date. Possibly because to me this wasn’t a date. So last night I picked him up at work and stopped by his house first because he wanted to check on his sister who was home alone and the power had gone out. Oh by the way, we got our first hurricane of the season and there was quite a bit of damage. So we pull up and there are candles lit and he seemed pretty surprised that his sister thought to light the candles. I ask if I should come in or just wait in the car, he said I could come in if I wanted to. As we were walking up he sees that his mom is home and he told me that his mom has been wanting to meet me. Almost instantly I get nervous, and then I remind myself that parents just like to meet their children’s friends. We go in and The Warrior introduces us and I get closer so I can shake her hand, she says she’s got something all over them but she can give me a hug, which she did. She says something about me being the imaginary person, so I guess they didn’t believe him about me. We talked to his mom for a bit, and then we drove to the mall which held Cold Stone within it’s walls. When we walked in and they asked us if we had been there before I told them that the Warrior had not been and they gave him a “tutorial”. I learned something new about Cold Stone, if you don’t like one of their mixes they make you another one. I can see why that rule doesn’t apply to the make your own deals because you could come up with nasty combinations and make the people keep making you new ones just because you’re a jerk. So I was stalwart about paying for the ice-cream since it was my suggestion to go there. He tried to put up a fight saying that I couldn’t pay because I was the girl and then finally he relented but said that he was paying for the movies, I may have said “okay” too quickly. Good news, he loved the ice-cream. He said that he needed to bring his family there, and he also said that he hadn't thought anything was better then Ben and Jerry’s, until now.
The Warrior didn’t talk all that much though, and if you know me then you know when there is silence I always try to fill it. So I was talking a lot and I’m pretty sure he knows just a little too much. But I also know that “My Girl” got him misty eyed the first time he saw it. So we are both sworn to secrecy. Except that I just wrote it and am probably going to post it on the internet for Sweet Pea and Oreo to read. After the movie I took him back to his house and we sat outside talking for about an hour, then finally I kicked him out of my car.
Then today at work Baby Face came up to me and out of no where asked if I wanted to come with him and a kid that I will call Steel Eyes (because seriously if you saw this kid’s eyes you would understand) to fork someone’s yard. Sometimes I feel like I need to do something once a year that helps to remind me how stupid I am. Last year I went out with some friends and the evening ended with me taking a breathalyzer and getting my picture taken by the police. So I said “yes”. I should have gone to the movie with my friends who had asked me if I wanted to go. Well, no cops this year, or breathalyzers thank goodness, but I have finally forked a yard. It just took me a couple of years after adolescence to do stupid stuff like this. I made it very clear to Baby Face and Steel Eyes that if the cops came I didn’t know who they were and I was out of there. No more run-ins with cops. I still can’t believe that I just forked someone’s yard tonight. Of course should this person ever confront me about it I am in complete denial. I did do something tonight that I used to do all the time in high school and that is to change in my car while driving to another destination. It’s quite the adrenaline rush; I never had enough time in high school, driving around from work to a friend’s house, or vice versa. I only ever changed at night because in the day time people can tell what you are doing. So I was following Baby Face and Steel Eyes and I completely changed my outfit. Shirt and pants and I even contemplated shoes, but decided my work shoes would be easier to run away in. And you know…boys aren’t very observant. I don’t think they even realized I was no longer in my work uniform. I think Baby Face did a double take but may have not said anything.
After forking the yard we drove around looking for food. You know, there’s a lot of false advertising here. We went to Wendy’s, where they were suppose to be open until midnight but they were closed and no one responded at the drive through. Then we went to Burger King, drive through open until 2am. We only saw this sign after walking up to the doors and they were already locked. So we all pile into my car and went through the drive through. The car in front of us had driven through and then was behind us and that’s when we realized that no one was going to take our order. By this point I had gotten all excited about a slushy because Steel Eyes had offered to pay for all of us. So we drive next door to McDonald’s, who by the way does not sell slushies, and by this point Baby Face and I feel so dejected that we no longer take Steel Eyes up on his offer. We were going to go into McDonald’s but Baby Face said that we should go through the drive through instead of go inside because there were a bunch of rednecks in there. So I said, “What? You don’t want to hang out with your family?” Steel Eyes thought it was funny; Baby Face was a little A.D.D. tonight and didn’t hear me the first time. So Steel Eyes repeated it for me and then I think I got a jokingly “F-You.” Except he said the word…I think there is a language barrier between us.
At one point tonight I told both of them that I had no idea who they were. And that’s the honest truth. First off, I have always been scared to death of Steel Eyes…could be his piercing to your soul just by looking at you, but I don’t know, maybe it’s just because I never really talk to him and I don’t know how to act around him because of it. And while I knew Baby Face had a dirty mouth I didn’t realize how bad it was, and I suppose I had assumed his personality fit his face. I would have never thought Steel Eyes would fork a yard, but he was the most experienced one of us all. But I finally got to hang out with Baby Face, and you know what? Even though I got quite the adrenaline rush tonight hanging with Baby Face and Steel Eyes when I got home I was more satisfied with my night spent out with The Warrior.
Juvenile Weekend
So The Warrior and I went out on our date last night. You know, the date that I said would never happen because I was just joking when I asked him when we were going to go. So he kept brining it up and we decided to go see a movie. Then we tried to plan the cheapest date ever (which didn’t happen, not with the price of movies!) Then we threw in Cold Stone ice-cream because he’s never had any. So for the first time in…well, ever, I was excited for a date. Possibly because to me this wasn’t a date. So last night I picked him up at work and stopped by his house first because he wanted to check on his sister who was home alone and the power had gone out. Oh by the way, we got our first hurricane of the season and there was quite a bit of damage. So we pull up and there are candles lit and he seemed pretty surprised that his sister thought to light the candles. I ask if I should come in or just wait in the car, he said I could come in if I wanted to. As we were walking up he sees that his mom is home and he told me that his mom has been wanting to meet me. Almost instantly I get nervous, and then I remind myself that parents just like to meet their children’s friends. We go in and The Warrior introduces us and I get closer so I can shake her hand, she says she’s got something all over them but she can give me a hug, which she did. She says something about me being the imaginary person, so I guess they didn’t believe him about me. We talked to his mom for a bit, and then we drove to the mall which held Cold Stone within it’s walls. When we walked in and they asked us if we had been there before I told them that the Warrior had not been and they gave him a “tutorial”. I learned something new about Cold Stone, if you don’t like one of their mixes they make you another one. I can see why that rule doesn’t apply to the make your own deals because you could come up with nasty combinations and make the people keep making you new ones just because you’re a jerk. So I was stalwart about paying for the ice-cream since it was my suggestion to go there. He tried to put up a fight saying that I couldn’t pay because I was the girl and then finally he relented but said that he was paying for the movies, I may have said “okay” too quickly. Good news, he loved the ice-cream. He said that he needed to bring his family there, and he also said that he hadn't thought anything was better then Ben and Jerry’s, until now.
The Warrior didn’t talk all that much though, and if you know me then you know when there is silence I always try to fill it. So I was talking a lot and I’m pretty sure he knows just a little too much. But I also know that “My Girl” got him misty eyed the first time he saw it. So we are both sworn to secrecy. Except that I just wrote it and am probably going to post it on the internet for Sweet Pea and Oreo to read. After the movie I took him back to his house and we sat outside talking for about an hour, then finally I kicked him out of my car.
Then today at work Baby Face came up to me and out of no where asked if I wanted to come with him and a kid that I will call Steel Eyes (because seriously if you saw this kid’s eyes you would understand) to fork someone’s yard. Sometimes I feel like I need to do something once a year that helps to remind me how stupid I am. Last year I went out with some friends and the evening ended with me taking a breathalyzer and getting my picture taken by the police. So I said “yes”. I should have gone to the movie with my friends who had asked me if I wanted to go. Well, no cops this year, or breathalyzers thank goodness, but I have finally forked a yard. It just took me a couple of years after adolescence to do stupid stuff like this. I made it very clear to Baby Face and Steel Eyes that if the cops came I didn’t know who they were and I was out of there. No more run-ins with cops. I still can’t believe that I just forked someone’s yard tonight. Of course should this person ever confront me about it I am in complete denial. I did do something tonight that I used to do all the time in high school and that is to change in my car while driving to another destination. It’s quite the adrenaline rush; I never had enough time in high school, driving around from work to a friend’s house, or vice versa. I only ever changed at night because in the day time people can tell what you are doing. So I was following Baby Face and Steel Eyes and I completely changed my outfit. Shirt and pants and I even contemplated shoes, but decided my work shoes would be easier to run away in. And you know…boys aren’t very observant. I don’t think they even realized I was no longer in my work uniform. I think Baby Face did a double take but may have not said anything.
After forking the yard we drove around looking for food. You know, there’s a lot of false advertising here. We went to Wendy’s, where they were suppose to be open until midnight but they were closed and no one responded at the drive through. Then we went to Burger King, drive through open until 2am. We only saw this sign after walking up to the doors and they were already locked. So we all pile into my car and went through the drive through. The car in front of us had driven through and then was behind us and that’s when we realized that no one was going to take our order. By this point I had gotten all excited about a slushy because Steel Eyes had offered to pay for all of us. So we drive next door to McDonald’s, who by the way does not sell slushies, and by this point Baby Face and I feel so dejected that we no longer take Steel Eyes up on his offer. We were going to go into McDonald’s but Baby Face said that we should go through the drive through instead of go inside because there were a bunch of rednecks in there. So I said, “What? You don’t want to hang out with your family?” Steel Eyes thought it was funny; Baby Face was a little A.D.D. tonight and didn’t hear me the first time. So Steel Eyes repeated it for me and then I think I got a jokingly “F-You.” Except he said the word…I think there is a language barrier between us.
At one point tonight I told both of them that I had no idea who they were. And that’s the honest truth. First off, I have always been scared to death of Steel Eyes…could be his piercing to your soul just by looking at you, but I don’t know, maybe it’s just because I never really talk to him and I don’t know how to act around him because of it. And while I knew Baby Face had a dirty mouth I didn’t realize how bad it was, and I suppose I had assumed his personality fit his face. I would have never thought Steel Eyes would fork a yard, but he was the most experienced one of us all. But I finally got to hang out with Baby Face, and you know what? Even though I got quite the adrenaline rush tonight hanging with Baby Face and Steel Eyes when I got home I was more satisfied with my night spent out with The Warrior.
Chapter 80
Deep Sundays
So, I got the position at work. The other day I was on register and The Motivator sent over someone to let me off and he asked me if I needed to make a phone call. I thought that was a weird question to ask someone out of the blue. He told me that The Motivator told him that I needed to make a call so I told him if she said that I did, then I did. I went over to her, thinking that she had actually lied to this kid just so I wouldn’t have to be on register, but as it turned out I really had an important phone call to make. The lady who had interviewed me had been talking to my head manager and he had told the Motivator that I should call the woman as soon as possible. She offered me the position and the funny, immature thing was that I assumed that since she offered it, I automatically took it, but when I asked her when I start she asked me if that was a ‘yes’. In the real world you are given job offers and you have the opportunity to turn them down. Weird I know, but that’s the way it works out here!
My head manager came and talked to me about it, he was really excited for me and he told me that the interviewer told him that I did a great job in my interview and that they really wanted me. I had assumed that since they didn’t call in the week that they said they would call that someone’s interview must have just gone better than mine. So it was nice to hear that I wasn’t a second choice, but that they really wanted me. Makes you want the job more that’s for sure.
So a couple of people at work know about it, not many though. I don’t know, I guess I’m just one of those people who just doesn’t feel the need to tell everyone what is going on in my life. My roommates know, and if anyone beyond the motivator and my head manager know it’s because those two told them. I didn’t tell Gus-Gus, but he knows because my head manager was talking to me about it, sometimes I think he is more excited about this then I am. I haven’t told my parents, I don’t think that they would be genuinely excited for me, I mean, to see it from their perspective, they paid for four and half years of college for me and I am just going to be a trainer at my high school job. Whoop-de-do. So why tell them right? They can just continue to think that I am a cashier. The good part about getting this though, is that it has made me want to go to grad school even more. I had a manager last summer who was in nursing school, as soon as he graduated he got a job in his field. When I’m done with Grad school I can leave and get a job in my field. So I am going back to school in January, it will just be some core classes, just stuff to keep me in the habit, and then hopefully in September begin my Master’s program. Meanwhile, I can continue to work up the ladder if it’s what I choose, each rung just means more money, more to go towards getting my Master’s.
Maybe this is how life was supposed to turn out for me. I wasn’t supposed to be a wife or a mother; those just aren’t roles that I have great potential for. Maybe I am supposed to be the day planner, on the run, working woman. I mean, I feel best when I am always busy, always with something to do. I feel I have accomplished more if my planner is completely covered in things to do each and every day, each week filled with important events. The job I have now could be done by monkeys; at least that’s what The Motivator has told me. I need a job with a lot of little projects, a lot of events, a lot of planning and coordinating. That’s what keeps me happy and motivated. Maybe I just don’t have enough to do and that’s why I have so many days where I feel like I will burst into tears if someone looks at me wrong, in fact, I actually do break out crying. I never thought I would be a girl like that, of course I never though I would be the opposite either. I suppose I never really thought about what I would be.
So many people around me are getting into relationships, getting engaged and getting married and I am still here, the same as I was when I was 18, same job, no boyfriend, and no direction anywhere. I see some of these people who are beginning serious relationships and getting engaged and I think to myself, “Well if that person can do it, then surely I can. I’m not nearly as messed as they are.” Of course shame, shame on me for thinking that. But I can’t help those thoughts running through my mind. I feel like I’ve been looking at life all wrong, I have been thinking that I have to be a certain way to be ready for certain stages in my life, but these girls that I know, they certainly weren’t ready. We have Crazy McGee, who…really is crazy. She’s an emotional rollercoaster, she has no idea who she is and she has a lot of trouble holding on to friends. But here she is, starting a relationship with some guy. Then my old roommate is engaged, I am happy for her. But she was all anti-guy, afraid to love…and here she is, in love, engaged. I’m not sad that I am not, but I just wonder, how can they do it? What are they doing that is so different from me? How are they opening up to people like that? I don’t know, maybe something’s wrong with me…oh wait, there is something wrong with me, I just haven’t figure it all out yet. I don’t even know why I’m talking about it, right now I don’t want to get married, I still have my commitment issues, but sometimes you just have to step back and put things into perspective. And right now, things are kind of dim, but I hope they are going to turn out for the best. I hope that I can work through my problems…once I find them and come face to face with them. I hope that I can move on from the disappointments of life and just remember the things that turned out well. I hope I win the battle with myself about how to react to life and it’s complicated situations. I really hope that one day I learn to control my emotions, to get some self-discipline, and who knows, maybe one day I will believe in myself enough to do something interesting with my life. I have to admit that I have done a lot of interesting things with my life so far, so I need to stop dwelling on the slum I am in and move on with life. I have to regain my mentality that people come and go, no matter what; they begin to forget you and you to forget them. There’s nothing you can do about it, it’s just the way life is. Just enjoy the time you had with them and move on. They were there when you needed them and that’s all that mattered.
Wow, not what I meant to talk about. Well, that’s Sunday’s for you, deep thoughts and endless ramblings.
Deep Sundays
So, I got the position at work. The other day I was on register and The Motivator sent over someone to let me off and he asked me if I needed to make a phone call. I thought that was a weird question to ask someone out of the blue. He told me that The Motivator told him that I needed to make a call so I told him if she said that I did, then I did. I went over to her, thinking that she had actually lied to this kid just so I wouldn’t have to be on register, but as it turned out I really had an important phone call to make. The lady who had interviewed me had been talking to my head manager and he had told the Motivator that I should call the woman as soon as possible. She offered me the position and the funny, immature thing was that I assumed that since she offered it, I automatically took it, but when I asked her when I start she asked me if that was a ‘yes’. In the real world you are given job offers and you have the opportunity to turn them down. Weird I know, but that’s the way it works out here!
My head manager came and talked to me about it, he was really excited for me and he told me that the interviewer told him that I did a great job in my interview and that they really wanted me. I had assumed that since they didn’t call in the week that they said they would call that someone’s interview must have just gone better than mine. So it was nice to hear that I wasn’t a second choice, but that they really wanted me. Makes you want the job more that’s for sure.
So a couple of people at work know about it, not many though. I don’t know, I guess I’m just one of those people who just doesn’t feel the need to tell everyone what is going on in my life. My roommates know, and if anyone beyond the motivator and my head manager know it’s because those two told them. I didn’t tell Gus-Gus, but he knows because my head manager was talking to me about it, sometimes I think he is more excited about this then I am. I haven’t told my parents, I don’t think that they would be genuinely excited for me, I mean, to see it from their perspective, they paid for four and half years of college for me and I am just going to be a trainer at my high school job. Whoop-de-do. So why tell them right? They can just continue to think that I am a cashier. The good part about getting this though, is that it has made me want to go to grad school even more. I had a manager last summer who was in nursing school, as soon as he graduated he got a job in his field. When I’m done with Grad school I can leave and get a job in my field. So I am going back to school in January, it will just be some core classes, just stuff to keep me in the habit, and then hopefully in September begin my Master’s program. Meanwhile, I can continue to work up the ladder if it’s what I choose, each rung just means more money, more to go towards getting my Master’s.
Maybe this is how life was supposed to turn out for me. I wasn’t supposed to be a wife or a mother; those just aren’t roles that I have great potential for. Maybe I am supposed to be the day planner, on the run, working woman. I mean, I feel best when I am always busy, always with something to do. I feel I have accomplished more if my planner is completely covered in things to do each and every day, each week filled with important events. The job I have now could be done by monkeys; at least that’s what The Motivator has told me. I need a job with a lot of little projects, a lot of events, a lot of planning and coordinating. That’s what keeps me happy and motivated. Maybe I just don’t have enough to do and that’s why I have so many days where I feel like I will burst into tears if someone looks at me wrong, in fact, I actually do break out crying. I never thought I would be a girl like that, of course I never though I would be the opposite either. I suppose I never really thought about what I would be.
So many people around me are getting into relationships, getting engaged and getting married and I am still here, the same as I was when I was 18, same job, no boyfriend, and no direction anywhere. I see some of these people who are beginning serious relationships and getting engaged and I think to myself, “Well if that person can do it, then surely I can. I’m not nearly as messed as they are.” Of course shame, shame on me for thinking that. But I can’t help those thoughts running through my mind. I feel like I’ve been looking at life all wrong, I have been thinking that I have to be a certain way to be ready for certain stages in my life, but these girls that I know, they certainly weren’t ready. We have Crazy McGee, who…really is crazy. She’s an emotional rollercoaster, she has no idea who she is and she has a lot of trouble holding on to friends. But here she is, starting a relationship with some guy. Then my old roommate is engaged, I am happy for her. But she was all anti-guy, afraid to love…and here she is, in love, engaged. I’m not sad that I am not, but I just wonder, how can they do it? What are they doing that is so different from me? How are they opening up to people like that? I don’t know, maybe something’s wrong with me…oh wait, there is something wrong with me, I just haven’t figure it all out yet. I don’t even know why I’m talking about it, right now I don’t want to get married, I still have my commitment issues, but sometimes you just have to step back and put things into perspective. And right now, things are kind of dim, but I hope they are going to turn out for the best. I hope that I can work through my problems…once I find them and come face to face with them. I hope that I can move on from the disappointments of life and just remember the things that turned out well. I hope I win the battle with myself about how to react to life and it’s complicated situations. I really hope that one day I learn to control my emotions, to get some self-discipline, and who knows, maybe one day I will believe in myself enough to do something interesting with my life. I have to admit that I have done a lot of interesting things with my life so far, so I need to stop dwelling on the slum I am in and move on with life. I have to regain my mentality that people come and go, no matter what; they begin to forget you and you to forget them. There’s nothing you can do about it, it’s just the way life is. Just enjoy the time you had with them and move on. They were there when you needed them and that’s all that mattered.
Wow, not what I meant to talk about. Well, that’s Sunday’s for you, deep thoughts and endless ramblings.
Chapter 79
Mondays and Rainy Days Always Get Me Down
Today I shut off my alarms (both of them) and ended up sleeping in until 6:54 am. When I checked the clock I congratulated myself for having an hour to get ready for work. I jumped in the shower to wake myself up and that’s when it hit me, it’s Saturday! I don’t go to the school today but to the store and I’m supposed to be there at 7 am! I jump out of the shower, call to tell them I’m on my way. I skip make-up but thankfully remembered deodorant and body spray. I rush out to my car and speed away. I got to work at 7:15 cranky and crampy. Yes, crampy. I got my period this morning too.
Then I had to blow up balloons when I got there. I don’t like blowing up balloons, mostly because I don’t like it when they pop and secondly because I’m not a great master of tying the little suckers. The good thing is I didn’t have to blow them up with my breath; I had to blow them up with helium (and darn myself I didn’t suck any of it and go around talking to people…I’m so slow on the uptake sometimes). I had to get using the helium…thingy and in the process one didn’t go on all the way and made a very loud squeaking noise which deafened me for a couple of minutes and may have been the cause of my hearing impairment the whole day. I couldn’t tell if people were mumbling or if my hearing was going. It’s hard to tell sometimes. I finally got tying the balloons down, except that it involved temporarily cutting off the blood supply to my fingers. So after blowing up about 40 balloons my fingers hurt and to add to my day I had to work with Gus-Gus and Jaq (ahh the village idiots). I’m hoping I can call today “Monday” and it will cover me for next week.
I also found someone who is just as uncomfortable around Gus-Gus as I am. She found me actually. He had just walked away from us and she turned to me and said that she found him a little creepy. I’ll call her Squared because she and I have the same name; actually I guess that blows keeping her anonymity, oh well. So we talked about it for a little bit. How we hate when he comes up to our registers and just stands there beside us or sometimes behind us. How he spaces out while staring at you. Just writing about it kind of makes me want to vomit. I hate when I have to call him over to my register because once he’s there it’s hard to get him away from it. It’s not like he’s doing any work, he’s just standing there, breathing my air. Sometimes he’ll grab the receipt for the customer and seemingly take over the order, and sometimes he turns off my register belt, talk about pet peeves. Today when I went to my register and the belt was off I looked right at him and told him to stop doing that. I’ll have to wait until next week to see if simply telling the guy to stop it will do the trick.
Speaking of simply telling the guy to stop doing something, telling Puppy Love that I hate hugs didn’t work. He still tries and so now every time I have to seem like a horrible, mean person and keep telling him that I don’t want a hug. I swear, squash has a larger memory capacity then this kid does. And now he has his mom coming through my line when she goes grocery shopping. I have had to ring her up maybe two or three times so far and she’s already acting like we are best friends. She came up to me the other night to show me her new bling, which looked like Wal-mart jewelry but I’m not going to say anything about it. I just told her it was pretty and let her walk on to do her grocery shopping. I can’t believe that their older son comes from the same family, he is so different from them all…and I don’t mind hugs from him.
And you know it may be the hormones making me so moody but I have felt like the store is too small, there isn’t enough room between the registers and people just keep getting in my way! But in all actually it isn’t too bad, just every so often my heart races and my fist clench. But time is flying by which is the best part of today! Because today was an 8 ½ hour shift and I only have two more hours. This morning I thought the day would drag. I almost knocked out a customer with a can and physically threatened my manager. Not bad for a Saturday morning. Of course, knocking out the customer with a can would have been an accident. Well, I just wrote that in the time it took me to eat a small bag of skittles. Not a bad day, not a bad day at all.
Mondays and Rainy Days Always Get Me Down
Today I shut off my alarms (both of them) and ended up sleeping in until 6:54 am. When I checked the clock I congratulated myself for having an hour to get ready for work. I jumped in the shower to wake myself up and that’s when it hit me, it’s Saturday! I don’t go to the school today but to the store and I’m supposed to be there at 7 am! I jump out of the shower, call to tell them I’m on my way. I skip make-up but thankfully remembered deodorant and body spray. I rush out to my car and speed away. I got to work at 7:15 cranky and crampy. Yes, crampy. I got my period this morning too.
Then I had to blow up balloons when I got there. I don’t like blowing up balloons, mostly because I don’t like it when they pop and secondly because I’m not a great master of tying the little suckers. The good thing is I didn’t have to blow them up with my breath; I had to blow them up with helium (and darn myself I didn’t suck any of it and go around talking to people…I’m so slow on the uptake sometimes). I had to get using the helium…thingy and in the process one didn’t go on all the way and made a very loud squeaking noise which deafened me for a couple of minutes and may have been the cause of my hearing impairment the whole day. I couldn’t tell if people were mumbling or if my hearing was going. It’s hard to tell sometimes. I finally got tying the balloons down, except that it involved temporarily cutting off the blood supply to my fingers. So after blowing up about 40 balloons my fingers hurt and to add to my day I had to work with Gus-Gus and Jaq (ahh the village idiots). I’m hoping I can call today “Monday” and it will cover me for next week.
I also found someone who is just as uncomfortable around Gus-Gus as I am. She found me actually. He had just walked away from us and she turned to me and said that she found him a little creepy. I’ll call her Squared because she and I have the same name; actually I guess that blows keeping her anonymity, oh well. So we talked about it for a little bit. How we hate when he comes up to our registers and just stands there beside us or sometimes behind us. How he spaces out while staring at you. Just writing about it kind of makes me want to vomit. I hate when I have to call him over to my register because once he’s there it’s hard to get him away from it. It’s not like he’s doing any work, he’s just standing there, breathing my air. Sometimes he’ll grab the receipt for the customer and seemingly take over the order, and sometimes he turns off my register belt, talk about pet peeves. Today when I went to my register and the belt was off I looked right at him and told him to stop doing that. I’ll have to wait until next week to see if simply telling the guy to stop it will do the trick.
Speaking of simply telling the guy to stop doing something, telling Puppy Love that I hate hugs didn’t work. He still tries and so now every time I have to seem like a horrible, mean person and keep telling him that I don’t want a hug. I swear, squash has a larger memory capacity then this kid does. And now he has his mom coming through my line when she goes grocery shopping. I have had to ring her up maybe two or three times so far and she’s already acting like we are best friends. She came up to me the other night to show me her new bling, which looked like Wal-mart jewelry but I’m not going to say anything about it. I just told her it was pretty and let her walk on to do her grocery shopping. I can’t believe that their older son comes from the same family, he is so different from them all…and I don’t mind hugs from him.
And you know it may be the hormones making me so moody but I have felt like the store is too small, there isn’t enough room between the registers and people just keep getting in my way! But in all actually it isn’t too bad, just every so often my heart races and my fist clench. But time is flying by which is the best part of today! Because today was an 8 ½ hour shift and I only have two more hours. This morning I thought the day would drag. I almost knocked out a customer with a can and physically threatened my manager. Not bad for a Saturday morning. Of course, knocking out the customer with a can would have been an accident. Well, I just wrote that in the time it took me to eat a small bag of skittles. Not a bad day, not a bad day at all.
Chapter 78
Eyes May Reject Donor Juice
Today my mom went to get her eyes fixed. You know, that new laser surgery they do to correct people’s vision. They say to allow for a two hour appointment so when we showed up at 2:30 we expected her to go under the beam by 3:30 or 4 so that we would be done with our two hour appointment by the two hour mark. Instead we sat in the lobby until about 4:15 sitting mostly in silence while I read People magazine cover to cover and she read Better Homes and Gardens. I am very up to date on everything that has occurred in Malibu, Hollywood, and in the movies. I even read through the lamest book reviews that I have ever encountered in that magazine. Who knows, maybe the books were just that lame and there was no hope that the reviewer could make it any better. Meanwhile my mom found some recipes for fish that seemed to be exciting for her.
Finally we get called into a room where they “prep” her. Basically they gave her a silly looking cap to put over her hair and they put some sort of absorber over her ears so that when the drops were put into her eyes (the ones that were going to quickly slid unto her face and down towards her ears while she lay there) wouldn’t get her ears wet. In the prep room the lady tells my mom, and I suppose me as well, everything that she is going to need to do post-op. Then we are escorted into the more comfortable room which had a little fountain in it which actually tensed me up more than calmed me. Oddly enough it made my wrist hurt and my bladder feel full, I wanted to rip the cord out of the wall to make it quit. Especially since we were left there alone and my mom was nervous and I kept saying all the wrong things; things like “Hope the laser doesn’t slip” which I actually never said but the things coming out of my mouth might as well have been because each time I said something like that I realized that my mom was already nervous and I was making it worse. So we sat in silence mostly listening to the gurgling of that little fountain. Then a doctor came in and started to go over my mom’s record, or something like it, and kept asking her questions and I am sitting there wondering why these questions weren’t asked before they said it was okay for her to get the operation. If she answered incorrectly were they going to tell her that couldn’t get it done? And if so were they going to pay for our time and inconvenience, because my life was slowly sucked out into the pages of People Magazine. The doctor tells us how the procedure will unfold and I am trying not to gag because as usual I am picturing things worse then they really will be. He tells her the she will feel some pressure around her eyes because he is going to be putting a device around it to keep it open and then everything is going to go black…why is it going to go black? My only thought is that it’s because they are going to remove her eye from her head to do the operation and by doing so it’s going to disconnect the wiring that gives her sight and then I get this mental image of my mom’s eye hanging from the socket. I almost threw up. Then he was talking about the end of the procedure (the entire thing is only suppose to take about ten minutes) and he said that she might smell something and I almost said, “Because it will be the smell of you eye matter being seared by the laser” but I caught myself for two reasons, mom was really nervous by now and the doctor was in the room. Mostly it was because the doctor was in the room, what kind of daughter would I look like?
Then they finally take her into the room which is set up more like a fishbowl than an operating room. From the lobby I, as well as everyone else, could witness my mother’s operation and could look at her eyes on a television screen as they cut and paste them. I however did not look up. I stared at the carpet and contemplated what “beauty” really is. Odd, I know, but you know, it’s either that or how much my life sucks right now because all the college kids are going back to school in the next couple of weeks and I have to stay here, eating my feelings and working at a grocery store with a B.S. in Sociology.
I don’t think I got the position of trainer at work. I had an interview last week and they were suppose to call me this week to let me know and here it is Friday and I never got a phone call. It’s for the best really. All week I was hoping I wouldn’t get it so the fact that I haven’t received a phone call actually relieves me a bit. I would have been sucked in more to a job that I don’t really enjoy. Of course now that I have just said all of this watch them call me on Monday to tell me I got it. What will I do? I would hope turn it down but if it were actually offered I just might take it, I need the money. So hopefully they don’t call me, hopefully someone will call from the place I applied to last week. Unfortunately for me the only people who seem to want me are the ones who want me to join the world of earning a commission. Screw that! I will not work a job that has commission. I have a college degree, please someone help me use it!
Wow, this is why I contemplated what beauty really is instead of my life. But now it’s exactly what I did, dang-it. Well, since I’m on that track I might as well continue. Back to my roommates I suppose. They are nice enough but I think I’m just enough anti-social to drive them away. I didn’t mean to do it, I promise. I went to see their skit in a little talent show with an audience of maybe 20 or 30 people. It (their skit) was pretty cute. I only caught the end of the whole show which from what I hear I’m lucky I missed. I hate activities like that, people, especially young adults between the ages of 18-29 are not interested in sharing their talents or watching the few that do embarrass themselves. Besides there is only good turnouts for those types of things in a college ward, where there aren’t many other options of things to do, and they are usually held on a Tuesday or a Wednesday, I mean, what else is there to do on those days?
Eyes May Reject Donor Juice
Today my mom went to get her eyes fixed. You know, that new laser surgery they do to correct people’s vision. They say to allow for a two hour appointment so when we showed up at 2:30 we expected her to go under the beam by 3:30 or 4 so that we would be done with our two hour appointment by the two hour mark. Instead we sat in the lobby until about 4:15 sitting mostly in silence while I read People magazine cover to cover and she read Better Homes and Gardens. I am very up to date on everything that has occurred in Malibu, Hollywood, and in the movies. I even read through the lamest book reviews that I have ever encountered in that magazine. Who knows, maybe the books were just that lame and there was no hope that the reviewer could make it any better. Meanwhile my mom found some recipes for fish that seemed to be exciting for her.
Finally we get called into a room where they “prep” her. Basically they gave her a silly looking cap to put over her hair and they put some sort of absorber over her ears so that when the drops were put into her eyes (the ones that were going to quickly slid unto her face and down towards her ears while she lay there) wouldn’t get her ears wet. In the prep room the lady tells my mom, and I suppose me as well, everything that she is going to need to do post-op. Then we are escorted into the more comfortable room which had a little fountain in it which actually tensed me up more than calmed me. Oddly enough it made my wrist hurt and my bladder feel full, I wanted to rip the cord out of the wall to make it quit. Especially since we were left there alone and my mom was nervous and I kept saying all the wrong things; things like “Hope the laser doesn’t slip” which I actually never said but the things coming out of my mouth might as well have been because each time I said something like that I realized that my mom was already nervous and I was making it worse. So we sat in silence mostly listening to the gurgling of that little fountain. Then a doctor came in and started to go over my mom’s record, or something like it, and kept asking her questions and I am sitting there wondering why these questions weren’t asked before they said it was okay for her to get the operation. If she answered incorrectly were they going to tell her that couldn’t get it done? And if so were they going to pay for our time and inconvenience, because my life was slowly sucked out into the pages of People Magazine. The doctor tells us how the procedure will unfold and I am trying not to gag because as usual I am picturing things worse then they really will be. He tells her the she will feel some pressure around her eyes because he is going to be putting a device around it to keep it open and then everything is going to go black…why is it going to go black? My only thought is that it’s because they are going to remove her eye from her head to do the operation and by doing so it’s going to disconnect the wiring that gives her sight and then I get this mental image of my mom’s eye hanging from the socket. I almost threw up. Then he was talking about the end of the procedure (the entire thing is only suppose to take about ten minutes) and he said that she might smell something and I almost said, “Because it will be the smell of you eye matter being seared by the laser” but I caught myself for two reasons, mom was really nervous by now and the doctor was in the room. Mostly it was because the doctor was in the room, what kind of daughter would I look like?
Then they finally take her into the room which is set up more like a fishbowl than an operating room. From the lobby I, as well as everyone else, could witness my mother’s operation and could look at her eyes on a television screen as they cut and paste them. I however did not look up. I stared at the carpet and contemplated what “beauty” really is. Odd, I know, but you know, it’s either that or how much my life sucks right now because all the college kids are going back to school in the next couple of weeks and I have to stay here, eating my feelings and working at a grocery store with a B.S. in Sociology.
I don’t think I got the position of trainer at work. I had an interview last week and they were suppose to call me this week to let me know and here it is Friday and I never got a phone call. It’s for the best really. All week I was hoping I wouldn’t get it so the fact that I haven’t received a phone call actually relieves me a bit. I would have been sucked in more to a job that I don’t really enjoy. Of course now that I have just said all of this watch them call me on Monday to tell me I got it. What will I do? I would hope turn it down but if it were actually offered I just might take it, I need the money. So hopefully they don’t call me, hopefully someone will call from the place I applied to last week. Unfortunately for me the only people who seem to want me are the ones who want me to join the world of earning a commission. Screw that! I will not work a job that has commission. I have a college degree, please someone help me use it!
Wow, this is why I contemplated what beauty really is instead of my life. But now it’s exactly what I did, dang-it. Well, since I’m on that track I might as well continue. Back to my roommates I suppose. They are nice enough but I think I’m just enough anti-social to drive them away. I didn’t mean to do it, I promise. I went to see their skit in a little talent show with an audience of maybe 20 or 30 people. It (their skit) was pretty cute. I only caught the end of the whole show which from what I hear I’m lucky I missed. I hate activities like that, people, especially young adults between the ages of 18-29 are not interested in sharing their talents or watching the few that do embarrass themselves. Besides there is only good turnouts for those types of things in a college ward, where there aren’t many other options of things to do, and they are usually held on a Tuesday or a Wednesday, I mean, what else is there to do on those days?
Chapter 77
Forecast for Today: Sunny with a Slight Chance of a Tornado
Sometimes I feel like if you look up the word “annoying” in the dictionary then you will find my roommate’s name as the definition. She’s a nice enough girl, and she hasn’t really done anything to me, I guess our personalities just don’t mesh. The really irritating part is that guys always want to hang out with her. All she does is talk, last I checked heterosexual, manly men did not like to hang out with a girl who just talks (mostly about herself and her drama filled life). So I’m a bit confused when I come home and there is some new guy here sitting in the kitchen or the living room with her listening to her stories about all the drama in her life. I could understand if she was some bleach blonde that has a hot body and all the guys want to get with her, but they don’t. They don’t ask her out, they just come to listen to her. Personally, I’m grateful, because if she is talking to them then she’s not talking to me. I find myself closing my door when I realize she is home, and sometimes even locking it, I turn down my music and hunch down as though I am trying to convince her that I am not home, even though my car is in the drive. Because I’m tired of hearing the same stuff over and over again, especially since most of it is drama that is at least five years old. Maybe she would have new stories if she stopped telling the olds ones every time she had contact with people.
I guess it doesn’t help that I don’t feel sorry for people, although, I am beginning to think that maybe I feel sorry for people that I care about. Baby Face worked tonight and he seemed a little down and it actually bothered me! But it got me thinking, what if this was someone else? Would I be worried? Would I feel sorry for them and want to do anything to help? And I realized that I would; there were several people, most family members, and most of my friends. It’s probably because my friends don’t pity themselves to death, if they did, I probably wouldn’t be friends with them, and they would be dead. Autopsy says, died of an overdose of self pity.
I’ve also realized that I embellish things. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, I think it makes life more interesting. I exaggerate when I get hurt, such as, I got cut the other day at work and when I tell the story I say that I got stabbed by the cart and it hit an artery and crimson blood came squirting out all over the place and it was all I could do to keep from bleeding to death. I exaggerate when I like a guy, I act stalkerish when talking to friends or I talk about how we are going to get married, but I don’t stalk them and I certainly don’t think we will ever get married. And to be honest, I lay it on thick when talking bad about people. Of course, the facts are still there, but I make it seem like it means more to me then it does. I don’t sit here and lose sleep over my roommate, or over a boy, I just embellish and make it seem like I do. Understand? So, I say that my roommate really bugs me, but to be honest, I barely have interactions with her and I would just like to keep it that way, and maybe at the moment that I say something or decide to write something is just one small moment where she is penetrating through the walls that I have put up and so I feel I must write my grievances down somewhere. Tonight I got off of work early and went to my parent’s house to hang out with my sister who is in town. We were talking and she asked me what my roommates do. I sat there for a moment trying to remember if I even knew to begin with. I told her she should come over sometime, I meant to check out my room but she says, “I don’t want to hang out with your roommates.” I laughed and told her that I don’t even hang out with my roommates so why would I expect her to?
Forecast for Today: Sunny with a Slight Chance of a Tornado
Sometimes I feel like if you look up the word “annoying” in the dictionary then you will find my roommate’s name as the definition. She’s a nice enough girl, and she hasn’t really done anything to me, I guess our personalities just don’t mesh. The really irritating part is that guys always want to hang out with her. All she does is talk, last I checked heterosexual, manly men did not like to hang out with a girl who just talks (mostly about herself and her drama filled life). So I’m a bit confused when I come home and there is some new guy here sitting in the kitchen or the living room with her listening to her stories about all the drama in her life. I could understand if she was some bleach blonde that has a hot body and all the guys want to get with her, but they don’t. They don’t ask her out, they just come to listen to her. Personally, I’m grateful, because if she is talking to them then she’s not talking to me. I find myself closing my door when I realize she is home, and sometimes even locking it, I turn down my music and hunch down as though I am trying to convince her that I am not home, even though my car is in the drive. Because I’m tired of hearing the same stuff over and over again, especially since most of it is drama that is at least five years old. Maybe she would have new stories if she stopped telling the olds ones every time she had contact with people.
I guess it doesn’t help that I don’t feel sorry for people, although, I am beginning to think that maybe I feel sorry for people that I care about. Baby Face worked tonight and he seemed a little down and it actually bothered me! But it got me thinking, what if this was someone else? Would I be worried? Would I feel sorry for them and want to do anything to help? And I realized that I would; there were several people, most family members, and most of my friends. It’s probably because my friends don’t pity themselves to death, if they did, I probably wouldn’t be friends with them, and they would be dead. Autopsy says, died of an overdose of self pity.
I’ve also realized that I embellish things. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, I think it makes life more interesting. I exaggerate when I get hurt, such as, I got cut the other day at work and when I tell the story I say that I got stabbed by the cart and it hit an artery and crimson blood came squirting out all over the place and it was all I could do to keep from bleeding to death. I exaggerate when I like a guy, I act stalkerish when talking to friends or I talk about how we are going to get married, but I don’t stalk them and I certainly don’t think we will ever get married. And to be honest, I lay it on thick when talking bad about people. Of course, the facts are still there, but I make it seem like it means more to me then it does. I don’t sit here and lose sleep over my roommate, or over a boy, I just embellish and make it seem like I do. Understand? So, I say that my roommate really bugs me, but to be honest, I barely have interactions with her and I would just like to keep it that way, and maybe at the moment that I say something or decide to write something is just one small moment where she is penetrating through the walls that I have put up and so I feel I must write my grievances down somewhere. Tonight I got off of work early and went to my parent’s house to hang out with my sister who is in town. We were talking and she asked me what my roommates do. I sat there for a moment trying to remember if I even knew to begin with. I told her she should come over sometime, I meant to check out my room but she says, “I don’t want to hang out with your roommates.” I laughed and told her that I don’t even hang out with my roommates so why would I expect her to?
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