Chapter 73
Revolutionize

You know, I was stupid to think that I would be so welcoming to change. As a simple thought that has no chance in hell of actualizing, change sounds fun, adventuresome, exciting. But you know something? When the opportunity comes along to actually do something about this change, it’s scary, and those attachments that you didn’t think existed show up. People you always felt you had no problem leaving suddenly become important to you. Life that seemed dreary and unavoidable, once becoming avoidable, seems like the only place you want to be, the only thing you want to be doing.
Where is all of this coming from? Mostly the part where just a little over a week ago I was ready to completely revamp my life, move to a new place, get a new job, change friends, you know, the usual. Then my ward dissolved, and change happened there. Then this past Sunday my sister tells me that she is pregnant, and has asked if I could move down to North Carolina for a couple of months (Around February), “sure!” I say almost too quickly. I am thinking in the moment, I am thinking impulsively. She tells me to think about it and I say, “No duh”. So I’ve been thinking about it. And “it” is scary. I don’t know where I will be at that time, I actually like living here (in this house) and is there a way I can keep my room, but not live here for four or five months? I would be starting all over, I would be in a place without the guarantee of a job, I’d be in a new ward, in a place I don’t really know that well. I’m finally adjusting to being home and now I plan on leaving? This is why my sister said to think about it. I do want to be down there though. I miss my sister and my nephew and it would really help them out since her husband will be back overseas when she’s due. I should just do it. Really, what do I have to lose?
Oh on Sunday Spam kept asking if my sister was pregnant and we kept saying, “No, she’s just expecting.” It was funny, because Spam is not far along in this life to catch that we were telling that my sister is pregnant. She just sat there wondering what in the world she was expecting.
So today was interesting…very interesting. First off though, the little boy I work with at the school is getting used to me, which is nice, but sad because we only have 2 and half weeks left. Today we made each other dizzy while moving our heads from should to shoulder making little “pop” noises with our mouths. He seemed to think it was funny, and really, I did too.
But moving on to my “other” job and what made my day interesting. The best part about today was expecting it to be bad and it turned out to be descent. I got to work with The Warrior and Baby Face; and Poof Daddy was working in the back so we saw him every once in a while. I was helping to bag groceries on The Warrior’s register and his hand accidentally touched my arm and he just stopped what he was doing and said, “My hand just accidentally slid across your arm and your skin is really smooth.” Then he asked me what lotion I used. I told him I don’t use lotion and he called me “blessed”. It was so funny, but then he called Baby Face over later tonight to touch my arm, so Baby Face used one finger and slid it down my arm and then slid it down his arm, he did that about four times and finally The Warrior told him that his arm wasn’t soft so stop trying.
For my fifteen minute break today Baby Face and I hung out outside. It was actually very nice today, the weather was really hot last week but we had rainstorms and it cooled it down. So Baby Face and I got break at the same time so we went and sat on the tailgate of his truck. It was neat to actually get a chance to talk to him. Earlier we had been talking about shooting and I was talking about how I’ve gone once before and almost shot my foot off, so he tells me how he goes about once a week. Well, now we are going to go shooting sometime. Not this weekend because I am going out of town but I told him I would let him know. I asked him how he would feel if I accidentally shot him…he told me he would be royally pissed, but I suppose that’s understandable. I think I cling to him and the Warrior a lot more because of Puppy Love, who is back on his hugging streak. I checked with Baby Face to see if he knew about the situation but he didn’t so I didn’t want to tell him, but he told me that since I brought it up I had to tell him. So I told him all about it and how Puppy Love peed on me. He seemed to think that was funny, but he asked me if I wanted him to take care of the situation, but by telling Puppy Love that he’s a weirdo and he needs to stop hugging me. I declined; I’m still holding out that this situation can end peaceably. However, I may at any time call in my favor with Baby Face. Speaking of Puppy Love, he saw Baby Face and me sitting on the truck and when we came in he asked us whose truck we were sitting on and Baby Face says, “I don’t know, some stranger’s”. Puppy Love believed it which made us laugh.
I tried to set my foot down today about being “one of the guys”. It all really begins last night when I was talking to Poof and a guy that works night operations at the store. Poof tells me to check out this girl who is a couple of feet away. I look because I am thinking she’s got a weird outfit or something but then Poof says she’s hot. Night Opts tells Poof that she’s out of his league. I complain that I don’t look at girls that way so don’t ask me to do that again. So…today, Warrior suddenly says, “Look at that girl.” And I ask why and he says, “Because she is fine.” So I go off and ask him when I became one of the guys? Because I’m not. I asked him if he had me confused with someone else. I told him that I looked at the guys, not the girls. He asked me why I looked at the guys because they were losers. I really didn’t have any response to that because in a way he dissed himself, being a guy and all. Later I asked him when we were going on our date (because our friend said that he and she were going on a date), he smiled and waited a second and then said next week. Don’t worry; we aren’t really going on a date.
Oh Night Opts (who says that I am beautiful and calls me Miss America) asked if I was still mad at him, I didn’t know I was mad at him. But he reminded me that I got upset with him last night, and it was because when Poof told me about the “hot girl” he started to joke around with me and said that Puppy Love checks me out. I told them that I wasn’t looking to be told that people were checking me out, I’d prefer not to know, “checking out” makes me feel dirty. So then Night Opts asks me if I want to know what turns him on, and Poof and I start walking away quickly, but we come back because you can’t actually just walk away from someone for good unless you want them to think there are hard feelings. So he points at my purse and he says, “I love when girls wear their purses like that.” …creepy. I took my purse off and tried to wear it different ways, one time being around my waist like a belt, and around my neck like a choker…but he liked the choker one so I finally just went back to the way I was wearing it and walked away uncomfortably.