Chapter 84
Over Zealous Guys and Drama Queens

So, work is going well. I am still training for the job and we are beginning to travel to other stores to cover training as well. In official, important news, I have been peed on yet once again. How does this keep happening to me? So we are at this one store on…I think it was Thursday, and this guy (who you can tell is a little mentally handicapped) keeps saying ‘hello’ to us when he walks by as we are training a cashier. I figure he is saying hello to tall, dark, and handsome (TDH), the guy training me. So we go to a real register and the guy comes over to help bag. He tells me he likes my earrings and I tell him that I like them to, it’s why I bought them. I said it in a nice way, don’t worry I haven’t gone completely mean. So then TDH comes over and this guy tells him that I am pretty. I say thank you and try to keep bagging and the guy starts bagging again and says, “You’re really pretty. You’re probably married. I said ‘no’. Then he says, “But you have a boyfriend?” and I said ‘no’ because I’m an idiot and haven’t yet learned that sometimes you should just lie…but as I’ve already said, I can’t lie when it counts. So then he asks me if I would like him to set me up with someone. I tell him that’s okay, but I’m not looking right now. Then he asks if I would like him to set me up with him. How do you respond to that? I tell him that I am really not looking for anything right now. He tells me that he’ll take me out to dinner and that he’ll pay. I keep saying that it’s okay, I’m not looking for anything right now. He finally gets out of me an “I’ll think about it.” Which to me is ‘hell no’ and to him is a “Lloyd 1 in a million, so you’re saying there’s a chance”. He asks what I am doing that night and I tell him that I am going out with a friend. Really all I had to do was my grocery shopping but to me that feels like I am telling the guy I need to wash my hair, or rewind my DVDs. He asks if he can come along and I tell him it’s just an old friend from high school, so that would be weird. So the lie was better then the truth in this situation. TDH tells him that he needs to go bag at another register to which he complies but this does not stop this zealot he comes over and hands me a piece of paper. I thank him and put it in my pocket without looking at it because I already know that it’s his number. Then later when TDH had gone outside with an order he comes back over with another piece of paper and tells me that it’s his e-mail address and the other paper was his phone number. Later he comes over and hands me yet another slip of paper. This time it says, “Pick me up at 8.” What? I ask him what that means and he says, “Just pick me up at 8.” And I say, “Tonight?” and he says, “No because you’re hanging out with your friend, but you know, whenever you get a chance.” I say “ok” and put the paper in my pocket with all the other pieces of paper I collected that day. He comes up to me later on and says, “There’s no hiding it, I’ve got a crush on you and you’re the only girl for me.” Maybe not in that order but all those words were used. I think I said, “Oh, thank you.” I mean, what am I suppose to say? Then right before TDH and our trainee and I went back upstairs he comes over and says that he has a great idea for a music video. I ask him what it is and he says it’s for a song about mermaids and I can be a mermaid in it. He says he’ll get lots of girls in the video and then he says that he’ll also get lots of guys in it. But the girls will all be mermaids and he’ll be a merman singing a song on his guitar about his mermaid friends. I tell him that he should ask the trainee first if she’ll be a mermaid because you can’t just go casting people in your music video without asking them, they might get upset. So we go upstairs and I figure the day with him is done. But while we are sitting there he comes upstairs to the room we are in and he hands me a blow up guitar, it’s already blown up and he tells me that he bought one for a girl the other day but he bought this one for me. I thank him and the moment he is gone I ask TDH what I should do with it, he told me to just take it home. So finally the day is over. However, as it turns out we had to go back to that store to train on Saturday. So he is there again and he comes up and says that he had just been wondering to himself when he was going to see me again….great, I was kind of hoping he would just forget who I was. So then he goes up to TDH and tells him that I am all his. There is a manager at that store who totally loves TDH and so he tells TDH that that manager can have him (TDH) and he can have me. Then he tells TDH that we should all go on a double date and TDH says, “In 2008”. I wish I could think quickly like him. I’m so jealous. So my little boyfriend asks if we could go on the date sooner and TDH insist that he cannot go on the date until 2008. Could be because it’s a nice little rhyme or it could be because that exceeds that average memory expectancy of the typical human being. Either way, it saves me the trouble.
In other news I have seen the more bitchy side of my roommate. My first mistake was to be friendly with my friend who I think she is in love with but just won’t admit it. I have known this kid all of my life, we have history, I pick on him and he takes it and we joke around together. Pretty much, I am to him what she thought she was to him. Which isn’t really all that much. She invited him over for Sunday dinner, which she didn’t even help to make and didn’t bother to tell us that we were going to be making it for five and not four people. Not that I had a problem with him being there, but it would be nice to call up one of the three roommates making the dinner and inform them that you have invited someone else to eat with us. So we are talking about how my friend is going out west and I ask if he is going to see my brother or sister while there, which I know he is not going to, for two reasons, he just doesn’t have that kind of time and they are so much older than him that he probably barely remembers them. I tell him that he can probably see my brother on a billboard though because he works for a bank out there and recently started showing up on billboards around the city that my friend is going to. And I mention that it’s pretty interesting what he is doing career wise and what he majored in, because he is working at a bank and he graduated with honors in Biology. Motor mouth says, well what did you major in? And I said Sociology and she said, “And where are you working.” I hadn’t meant anything by my comment except for that it is interesting that you don’t always go the path you think you want, without sounding so deep of course. So she is sitting here trying to act like she knows more than me and telling me that we don’t always use our degrees and I say that I know this because my mom told me just to get my degree because most people just look for some kind of degree. Then I say that I plan on going to graduate school anyway and my friend ask me where I want to go for that and I say VCU which is about half an hour from here and Motor Mouth says, “Oh, I thought you’d want to go away for that.” What the hell does that mean? Luckily I didn’t have to say that aloud because my friend starts telling me that I should go to U of R because it is the 3rd most expensive college in the country. Thank goodness he was there to change the subject because I honestly don’t know what else I would have done.
Then he left and she followed him out the door. I was getting ready to do the dishes but Jelly Bean told Diva and I to leave them for Motor Mouth because she didn’t help cook and she never does the dishes. So I quickly agree to leave them alone and the three of us go to hang out upstairs…I told you, it’s the Inner Circle.
Then Motor Mouth came upstairs to hang out with us and that is when I received the next rude comment from her. She told the girls that we need to start planning our Halloween party and she says, “I think we should go as Charlie’s Angels.” To which one of my other roommates tells her we can’t because there are four of us. She says, “Well Jessica never comes to anything anyway.” So apparently, I’m just not invited. Jelly Bean said that it is at our house so I would probably be there. There’s just a lot of tension in this house to begin with, and I can’t tell who is friends with whom at what time. Right now they are all secretly mad at each other but not communicating about it and since I know that they are all mad at each other I can tell there half assed attempts to communicate with each other about their grievances. I also know for a fact that Diva knows Jelly Bean is mad at her but really can’t figure out why, so today when Jelly Bean said one little comment that was obviously an accusation towards Diva I kind of cringed because I know the situation and as far as I can tell Jelly Bean is being immature. Or maybe she has just had to hang out with Motor Mouth too much lately and she is easily swayed. Today is just the first time that someone has slapped a big slice of tension in my direction. This is why I was worried about living with a bunch of girls. I’m sick and tired of this drama crap, I don’t want anything to do with it but some girls get this sick satisfaction of dragging as many people down to the bottomless bit of drama queen hell that they possibly can. All I can think is that Motor Mouth doesn’t want to make an enemy out of me. I’m more lovable and I do my share around the house…so the other roommates are more likely to side with me should a battle ensue. Oh yeah, and I can easily kick her ass.
So for chronological order’s sake I have to leave and watch my cousins for a couple of hours and when I come home later I walk in the house and she says, “Oh it’s you.” But she does this in the way that the Antagonizer would make a Sweet Pea Caucasian joke. I can tell how she means it and I find myself becoming less and less tolerant of her. I sit down in the living room anyway because I’ve decided that no one is going to make me feel obligated to go sit in my room being anti-social. So when I sit down Motor Mouth says that she has got to go to bed because “this one (referring to me) will keep you up all night”. Again…what the hell does that mean? I sit and listen to her talk for a while longer, thinking to myself the whole time that she is really the one you’ve got to watch out for if you want to get to bed at a decent time. Then I go to my room because enough is enough. I go into the kitchen and the dishes are still sitting on the counter. Just so you know, we had breakfast for dinner. Breakfast that involved syrup. Figuring that the plates just might stick to each other and may need a chisel or a jack hammer in the morning to divide them, I start to rinse them off and load up the dishwasher. I don’t care that she didn’t do the dishes, to me that’s just something to put in my ammo reserve in case I need it.